Finally

That alarm was going to drive me BUTTY! That's a combo between...okay...no clevernish, it was a typo. But really, it could be a combo between nutty and...hmmm...I'll think on it.

In the land of freedom. Philly. Very, VERY interesting to be on the east coast today. So close to there. I remember much of where and what I was doing 5 years ago with who.

I was married.
I was in New Mexico
I was walking to work
I was on time
It was eerily silent
I heard on the radio that there seemed to be a smokey something going on at the helicopter pad at the Pentagon.
I walked into work and all the registration tvs were on to NBC--I didn't even know we could get tv on those sets.
I sat down in the glass bowl (my office with all the windows)
People kept walking by and looking at me. And whispering. And looking at me with that "how sad" look in their eyes.
I got out of the bowl and went to watch tv--"they don't know if it was an accident or not, but they think a plane crashed into the building."
I watched as they played the second plane crashing into the second tower. "WTF?! That is no accident." I remember saying that. Then I remember my mind going completely blank as the questions came:

Where's your family? Where are your friends? Go make some calls.

Then I watched the tower fall. And I lost it. I retreated to the bowl.

Who was I going to call? Who was going to answer? Remarkably, he did answer. And so did she. But he didn't. And neither did he.

I graduated from Cornell University. In upstate NY. About 6 out of 10 people I knew there were from NYC. I was president for two years of the Omicron Upsilon chapter of AKPsi--that would be the business frat. So yeah...I knew people. I knew LOTS of people. That worked in NYC. That were my friends. That worked in those towers.

I was numb. I didn't even know where to BEGIN to look for people. Ironically, I had JUST been in the process of getting back in touch with some of my brothers--the other kids who woke up one morning my junior year and decided to found a business frat. And trust a communication major of all folks to lead the way. I wasn't president when we started--I was the secretary who got to know EVERYONE because of all the paperwork. But then me, Ms. "I hate networking" and really, kinda shy cat, was elected President. Twice. And as such, so many people knew where I was, but I didn't know where they were.

I've been back to NY once after 9/11. It was just too painful. Too painful to think of the folks I've never been able to get back in touch with. I've never looked up a full list of who died that day because I don't want to see any of my missing brothers on those lists. I can still hope this way.

5 years. Seems like yesterday. Seems like yesterday 100 years ago. It just seems. That's all.