Saturday, December 31, 2005

blankity, blank, blank

Okay. I have so much to say and 10 seconds to say it. So a top 10 list is in order with a need to fill in the blankity blank blanks tomorrow. Or so.

10. Water views rock
West Seattle. Lots of kayak people. And water fowl. And other stuff. Just enough to keep me entertained long enough to not watch tv, not read a book and not do any other work (ie scrap, read, create...).

9. Space for tall girls is a good thing.
I have a whole room with nothing in it. A big room. I have grande schemes for it. And my bedroom is only half full. More plans. And my scrap room and a half...goodness. Tiny kitchen, but who cooks anyhow? Yeah...we'll work on that.

8. Crisis management affirmations
Deadline? What deadline? Tuition? Yeah, that's a lot of money...if you're buying a slipcover for a sofa. If you're paying for college, it's a drop in the bucket. Money is to be spent, not horded. Yeah, there is retirement. Yeah there is tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow might not come. But that is why today is important. Understanding the concept of "enough" and living beyond, beneath and within that. So tuition is nothing. Reading hundreds of applications is nothing. Meeting three major deadlines is nothing. Appreciating others is everything. Especially when those others so deserve appreciation and affirmation.

7. Bernadette Master Plan
Yeah. Let me get back to you on that one. Main ingredients? Me. Him. Her. Them. A healthy dash of giving, a grandiose shake of happiness and a pound of smiles. Lots of camera clicks (to taste) and many, many deep breaths. Incumbate. let hatch when ready.

6. Job. Love it. Rocks.
Create that newsletter. Monitor that phone a thon. Work with those students. Read that file again. End of the day, leave it at work and go home and do your other job well. End of allotted time, leave that one aside and go do your third job fantastically well. Enjoy life. Enjoy this space. many people are as lucky as me?

5. Stuff, stuff, and more stuff. In boxes
Almost all out of boxes. I have a lot of stuff. And even more space. And time, resources and wherewithall to fill it. Materialistic? Hardly. High maintenance? Depends on who you ask I suppose. happy? Oh yes definitely. nothing better than shopping through your own boxes of fantastically fun stuff that has been packed up forever for lack of space to display it.

4. Party here, party, there, popular girl returns
Fun times at BF's neighbor's place. Fun cooked stuff and good company to have fun with. Then we had to "move my stuff." Well, my junk in my trunk out at the resort that is. Another party next Friday. This time at my neighbor's place. Symphony Saturday. I think I have a board meeting Sunday. Uh huh. Where's that calendar again? Oh to post it to the wall again. How fun is that?!

3. snow. rain. snow.
Or is it rain, snow, rain. No matter. I remarked how wonderful is it to live life like this: Wake up in the morning, drop the kayak. Get bored, hop in the car and strap on the skis (snow). Come back home and walk the beach. In December. Did I mention how much I love Seattle today? Right...never in a million days did I ever think I would visit this place. Much less get educated out here, work out here, live out here and now play out here.

2. camera? what camera?
Yeah...should get on that purchase. I miss taking pictures. Really I do. I have plenty to scrap (what scrapper doesn't) but I feel as though I'm missing lots of life. Definitely missing lots of BF pictures...and that's a big one.

1. broken promises
Yeah...daily. I know. But life is so busy. In a happy, happy, happy way. 3 pm...where is my home at now?

Uncensored. I promise[d]. yeah!!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005



Why is it that the other day, when I saw a stalled car blocking traffic at the corner of 4th and Marion, my first thought was “I wonder, if that were a car bomb, if I would be safe from the blast at this distance.”


Why is it that my landlord totally flipped her lid and now is going to be stuck finding a new tenant, cleaning an apartment and taking me to court when she could have just as easily said “fine, I’ll fix the sh$tter” or, just as easily “I don’t care, sublet the place already.”


Why is it that it is December 21 and I have yet to really do any Christmas shopping yet I still manage to have way too many gifts for the BF? He’s going to freak out.

So. So. Yeah…so.

The car didn’t blow up. Someone brought the driver some gas and I was only 18 minutes late.

The landlord, bless her soul, is disturbed. very.

I’m one crafty chick. I think he’ll love all of the gifts and we’ve already agreed not to play the “you got more” or “you spent more” game. I kinda stuck to the “rules” and only intend to get him one major gift. But I fathom that he’ll like the others better.

So, so, so. Ho, ho, ho [pimp]. I love The Office. That show is so very wrong and it makes me laugh so very hard. Welcome to America outside of the protected world of my Office of Diversity & Equity. [censored] Well…well.

Uncensored blog coming back soon. really. Lunch is over. really.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Just. Say. It.

What an amazing weekend. Got off of work on Friday, hopped the bus to get downtown. Walked most of the hill to hop the bus. Loved the fresh, crisp Seattle air. God I love this city.

Got downtown. The lights are GORGEOUS. I love the simple things--simple white lights give the city an innocent glow.

We got home, popped in a movie of my choosing (General's Daughter) and I promptly fell asleep halfway through. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. He says it has something to do with me working a job with real hours and the commute it takes to get there. Maybe.

Woke up in time to stay awake for the ride south to Oly. Slept in my bed on a Friday night.

Awoke relatively early on Saturday and headed further south to Portland. Evidently not early enough because we didn't make it in time to get breakfast before we arrived. No biggie.

Checked into the Paramount and the valet saved the day (and the ticket). Walked around in the frigid frio cold to get to Powell's--the highlight of any Portland trip. Bought:

Don't Play in the Sun by Marita Golden
In the Garden of Our Dreams by Shirlee Taylor Haizlip & Harold C. Haizlip
gal a true life by Ruthie Bolton
"And don't call me a racist!" by Ella Mazel
gotta get Shifting (??) by the African American Women Voices Project

Met by the roommate at Powell's and headed over to Rocco's (the original) for pizza. Checked the local rags for something to do. Adamant opposition to the Nutcracker and so we roamed. And roamed. Then napped. Then asked.

Jaime, the concierge sent us to Harrison's where lively discussion solidified my unwaivering belief in "us" now and for a long time to come. Back to the Paramount and then back out for live jazz and crayon encrypted messages as Brasserie Montmarte.

hangman. I've hung myself for not asking the followup. Never say never, but the curse of the "you should have saids" will follow me even now in my old age. Maybe moreso now in my old age where the comebacks are not nearly as witty. Or as quick.

4 letters. Second is "o", fourth is "e". Yeah I knew it. But I was too scared to say it. Because then I would have had to ask. And if he said "I really care for you..." or even if he said "I think one day I might..." And if he said "Yeah I do"? Then what do I say?

He told me the word. I smiled a smile I have not smiled in close to forever. But I didn't ask. In some ways, it was enough. In others, I feel I let him down.

On the way back, drove by St. Helens. He's never been. Unfortunately, they advised against Coldwater and I think Johnston is closed this time of year. 80 mph gusts and a front moving in. Of course we saw it clear as day on the way back out. I promised. That's a promise I will hold. I love holding promises for him and carrying them out.

Side fieldtrip to Ocean Shores. Ocean City state park. Uhhh no. But Ocean Shores in December. The crashing waves. And crash landing birds. And walking in the surf with the shutter going off. And getting to drive all the way back to Oly.

I'm afraid to wake up. This feels too good. Too imperfectly perfect. If only we would just say it already.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Good. Imperfection.

Life is. I am. My book is. My job is. My friends are. My family is. My co-workers are. My boyfriend is. My checkbook is. My bills are. My plans are. My world is.

All of it. I don't know what it was today.

Maybe it is my co-worker who calls me "hun".
Maybe it is my boss who trusts me to make relatively huge decisions.
Maybe it is getting to talk to Liisa three times in one day.
Maybe it is plans to stay at the Paramount this Saturday.
Maybe it is 987 cards down, thousands to go.
Maybe it is a fantastic book about tragic events not backbreaking
(Monkey it)
Maybe it is Scrapworks, Simple Scrapbooking and PaperCrafts.
Maybe it is West Seattle.
Maybe it is toes on the heater.
Maybe it is lots of sleep.

I am happy. I am here. I am not stressing. I am not complaining. I am not taking it personal. I am laughing again. I want to stop planning and just do again. I have ideas. I have passion. I have an uncanny urge to eat lots of apple pie with ice cream and sparkly lemon water.

I love life and everything in mine and everything about it. Really. Everything isn't perfect, but it is in that imperfection, in those details, that life is perfectly imperfect.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Really...a week?

Has it really been a week since I have written? What is the word for what you feel when you are beyond exhausted? Yeah, I'm too tired to think it up too. So tired I cannot look for the remote control or turn the channel from the Chris Matthews show. Ugh. You know I'm bone tired.

I need to eat. But I don't really have much to cook. I really want some pasta, but then I should probably go to the store and get some kind of sauce. Maybe some pasta too. Or I should just go to Taco Bell. responsible. Go buy groceries.

Two more weeks. Then I have a week off. A whole long week. Whatever will I do with myself?

I think I'll wrap some gifts tonight. Got most of my sister's gift. Since she doesn't read my blog yet (positive about that), I can say that I still need to get her a gift card and then she will be done.

My mother is far LESS likely to read my blog. I want to look up a spa in the El Paso area and get her a gift certificate. I'm so sure she could use it. And then I'll likely make her another gift basket since she really liked that last year. And I'd love to just buy her a couple of airline tickets to fly north already. But that would freak her out. So I think what I will do is a couple of cute gift album deals for her. One will actually be a photo album with pictures of me and Robert since she is so on the "'re this big time scrapbooker but you don't never send me any pages. Okay, okay. Which reminds me. It might be a great idea to just make copies of like my favorite 10-20 pages and make an album/portfoilo of those for her. Maybe just something to do another time. Anyhow, the other album is going to be a fill in the blank deal. All of the stuff we'll do in Seattle, just add pictures kinda deal. Maybe even send a ticket or gift certificate for places only up here--ie, Red Robin gift cert, etc. That way, she can't use them at home, she knows that I'm committed to her coming and she gets a glimpse of all the cool things we can do when she visits.

I actually do think that she is committed to making the trip this year. I hope so.

BF is adorable as always. But he knows that. We had a really laid back weekend which I really appreciated after this crazy week. One good thing about life now is that I actually get to see him more often.

Sidenote--I absolutely CANNOT believe it is only 4:30.

Anyhow...back to the weekend. He woke me up at like 6:50 so that we could go to Queen Anne to take pictures of DT Seattle and the mountain at sunrise. We'll have to do it during the week when the worker bees actually turn on the lights in the buildings. But God how amazingly, wonderfully, pure, calming and beautiful it is up there.

I fell asleep during the funniest movie of all times (that would be Elf) and now it is going on Monday and time to start the race all over again. I think I'm going to find a way to get more done on the bus. Like reading for pleasure. I certainly have enough time at work to get work done so...let the projects commence.

Bf lurks on the blog from time to time so I cannot mention his gifts here but let me just say one word:


I'm psyched.

I promise to get nightly again. Promise. Till tomorrow.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Change Agent

So. You love the heck out of someone. Someone has a problem. You see the problem. In lucid moments someone sees the problem as well. But those lucid moments are few and far between. Someone doesn't really see their problem as the real problem that it is. Merely a simple issue, but not a problem. Not a problem that impacts family, friends--real friends, not the ones who enable someone.

I don't know what to do. Really, there is nothing I CAN do.

Everyone says it and knows it and I understand it. Someone has to want to change in order to change. Layer that on top of the common knowledge that people don't change. Is it hopeless?

So then. My birthday was fantastically simple. I am really LOVING a far less complicated life. Dear boyfriend took me out to the Comedy Underground where I laughed my butt off. Got back to his place and got gifts so very apropo. We're going to go to Walla Walla when it gets warmer (smile) and he got me a carry on travel bag. Red of course (smile). Perfect [censored]. Then, Sunday morning we went to breakfast, ran some errands and I hung out at his place as he installed lights. He cooked me dinner and sent me on my way so that I'd be able to get up early enough to take the bus to work in the morning.

Not so much. I ended up driving the whole way today. I'll definitely need to take the bus a heckuva lot more often to deter the stop at one of my fave craft stores along the way. Just picked up a few items for an amazing gift idea I have for the boyfriend. He's gonna love it...capitalism aside (smile). Hey...I DID support the economy by buying the supplies for it.

[censored] job--rocks the house. [censored] I love it. [censored].

Okay...time to mourn my loses, post a photo and "suck it up already" and try again. Check my other blogs for more.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

They like me...they really do

Sometimes. And other times they just love me. I had to choke back some serious SERIOUS tears when I saw Liisa sitting up at the desk this past Friday when I walked into work. She came all the way up to Olympia skiddin' in on the rails on her day off with her papers due to come and see me [censored]. Okay...I'ma electrocute myself on this here laptop if I start crying again.


Speaking of which.

How do you convince your boyfriend to come up off the secret already? He won't tell me where we're going tonight. I do know that it wouldn't be a weekend without a trip to Home Depot of course. Light boxes this time. Matching holes in the wall to prove it. God that boy is super patient. Probably why he's still hanging out with me.

So. Monday is the day. [censored]. It is the day I finally find out who won the Scrapworks contest that has taken a life of it's own on my b3 blog. I'm really trying to just forget about it but that's a cool $1000 I could SOOOOO use right now what with [censored] Christmas and all. Genius is as genius does--I get loaded on December 23. I'm responsible enough to not put off the real bills until then and instead use my December 10 check to have fun, but still. I'd much rather buy presents than a brake job next week.


And yes, for the millionith time, one day I will eat Carrot Cake again.

Thursday, December 01, 2005


To make a list or not to make the list. I'm not at all high maintenance. I just like nice things. Some are nicer than others. These are the gorgeous things a person so inclined could buy for me as long as he/she/it makes sure to keep in mind that what I want most in the world cannot be bought and what I appreciate most in a gift is not the price tag. So then...
Admission Director's Best Friend
Price points for all.
Happy giving season.

T-minus 8 hours...

So. Yesterday and Monday I had [censored] parties. Let me just say that I don't want to see any more carrot cake for a long, LONG time. But how cool is that that everyone remembered my favorite kinds of cake?

On Monday, I sat down with my student group and we just talked. One of my students was reading us these awesome passsages about {un}thankful thanksgiving--about why there are very valid reasons why many Native Americans don't have reason to celebrate that day. Really caused me to think and contemplate whether or not I will celebrate the day myself anymore. Then we got to reading about being poly (as opposed to multi) cultural. Now THAT was a great piece. [censored].

Yesterday (Tuesday), [censored] I really tried to get out of the super analytical, read-too-much-into-it mindset. But it was interesting who came and who did not come. Was very telling [censored]. In a nutshell, it was important that the students [censored] were there. It is equally important that the people who could have helped me to help them the most, were not there. Nuff said about all of that.

Another of my super-fantastic students had just come by to break down the ultra amazing display we had in the Cultural Center for all of November. We were so lucky to come across this amazing woman who was so completely knowledgable about her culture and so willing to share it. Oh how amazing the world would be if there were just two more of her. Just two more.

So [censored] I loved this experience.

Well...birthday is this Sunday. I already love that I'll get to celebrate it for three days or so. My BF is a cutie--he's going to cook me dinner on Friday. I love it when he cooks for me. Almost as much as I love to cook for him. Sigh...the next utterance from my keyboard will be a "he's so dreamy" so I better stop before I get censored [again]. Yes...I am sitting here giggling at myself.

Okay, okay...another few lists need to be posted. It will get him reading my blog (lurker) I go.