Sunday, December 18, 2005

Just. Say. It.

What an amazing weekend. Got off of work on Friday, hopped the bus to get downtown. Walked most of the hill to hop the bus. Loved the fresh, crisp Seattle air. God I love this city.

Got downtown. The lights are GORGEOUS. I love the simple things--simple white lights give the city an innocent glow.

We got home, popped in a movie of my choosing (General's Daughter) and I promptly fell asleep halfway through. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. He says it has something to do with me working a job with real hours and the commute it takes to get there. Maybe.

Woke up in time to stay awake for the ride south to Oly. Slept in my bed on a Friday night.

Awoke relatively early on Saturday and headed further south to Portland. Evidently not early enough because we didn't make it in time to get breakfast before we arrived. No biggie.

Checked into the Paramount and the valet saved the day (and the ticket). Walked around in the frigid frio cold to get to Powell's--the highlight of any Portland trip. Bought:

Don't Play in the Sun by Marita Golden
In the Garden of Our Dreams by Shirlee Taylor Haizlip & Harold C. Haizlip
gal a true life by Ruthie Bolton
"And don't call me a racist!" by Ella Mazel
gotta get Shifting (??) by the African American Women Voices Project

Met by the roommate at Powell's and headed over to Rocco's (the original) for pizza. Checked the local rags for something to do. Adamant opposition to the Nutcracker and so we roamed. And roamed. Then napped. Then asked.

Jaime, the concierge sent us to Harrison's where lively discussion solidified my unwaivering belief in "us" now and for a long time to come. Back to the Paramount and then back out for live jazz and crayon encrypted messages as Brasserie Montmarte.

hangman. I've hung myself for not asking the followup. Never say never, but the curse of the "you should have saids" will follow me even now in my old age. Maybe moreso now in my old age where the comebacks are not nearly as witty. Or as quick.

4 letters. Second is "o", fourth is "e". Yeah I knew it. But I was too scared to say it. Because then I would have had to ask. And if he said "I really care for you..." or even if he said "I think one day I might..." And if he said "Yeah I do"? Then what do I say?

He told me the word. I smiled a smile I have not smiled in close to forever. But I didn't ask. In some ways, it was enough. In others, I feel I let him down.

On the way back, drove by St. Helens. He's never been. Unfortunately, they advised against Coldwater and I think Johnston is closed this time of year. 80 mph gusts and a front moving in. Of course we saw it clear as day on the way back out. I promised. That's a promise I will hold. I love holding promises for him and carrying them out.

Side fieldtrip to Ocean Shores. Ocean City state park. Uhhh no. But Ocean Shores in December. The crashing waves. And crash landing birds. And walking in the surf with the shutter going off. And getting to drive all the way back to Oly.

I'm afraid to wake up. This feels too good. Too imperfectly perfect. If only we would just say it already.

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