Monday, November 28, 2005

I'm not weird, I just like weird movies

Or so I have been told. That the movies I like are weird. Not really though. Right now, my three faves are really not anything recent because, you see, my boyfriend is big on watching movies at his place. Now, it's not like we're watching on the 13 inch black and white. Oh no. That would be half-arsed and my BF doesn't do anything unless he's doing it full out.

So. When we watch movies at his place, it is on the ultra comfy (as in, just look at the thing and you fall asleep) make out couch.

And it's with the big screen out (think what...4x8...yes that is feet).

And it's with the ground shaking (his surround sound would make many a movie theater jealous).

He's such a boy. I like it a lot (smile).

In any event, though we didn't watch one of these three movies in the complex as I will soon take to calling the screening room, we did watch them all together. And he gave me "that look" each time I oooohhhed and ahhhhed over these movies. Which movies? I'm getting there already.


I really, REALLY liked Crash. And I really, REALLY liked City of God. And I of course loved Monster's Ball. They're all social commentary on crappy situations. I guess, if you think about it, they all start at the end too. I just noticed that about Monster's Ball the other night.

In any event, I love watching movies that you have to watch a few times (okay...that I have to watch a few times) to truly get the whole gist of it.

Another thing all three movies had in common is that they each pushed me out of my comfort zone. As madame diversity guru (I'm kinda sad, I only have 24 more work hours of that title...oh no!!), I had serious issues with Crash. Couldn't help but to proclaim that I loved the movie every six or so scenes, but still. The stereotypes were harsh if only to draw the obvious parallels.

In City of God, the whole drug game really had me caught up because...well, I promised when I started this that I wouldn't call people out negatively. So I'll just say that that movie hit a bit too close to home for me and had me thinking "well, now I see..." and I'd really rather stay closeminded when it comes to homewrecking issues such as drug dealing.

In Monster's Ball, good goodness I'm not a prude. Reserved, shy, laid back perhaps. But I seem to seriously block out a good 7 minutes of that movie. It was funny because I was telling BF that I was shocked that an actress of her caliber didn't have nudity clauses in her contract. He (observantly) said "Nudity clauses?! Try f-scene clauses." Point well taken. Anyhow, everytime I see that movie I'm reminded of the controversy over what Halle had to do to get her Oscar. Never say never, but I'd like to think that Billy Bob would be on my "does Hell go with No" list.

Anyhow, there you have it. Check out City of God, Monster's Ball and Crash. Sure, be brave and do them back to back to back. In the meantime, I should compose some thoughts on the dinner party before the memory blurs. I will, I will...but other things just keep coming up.

And then she signed off.

Sunday, November 27, 2005


I'm a bit behind. I promise to write about the dinner party tomorrow or later tonight. But for this post, let us discuss priorities.

My boyfriend is good about reminding me that from time to time, I just need to write a list of what I want and order it up so that I understand what is important to me.

Right now, I need to decide the following:

post will return momentarily in entirety

Friday, November 25, 2005

Down the Drain

So how detrimental to my argument of "this place is a dump" is it if I agree to pay for another month's rent while I look for another place?

Okay. So, as you all know, I have sh*t problems. Well, no not really, but it doesn't flush in my toilet. Actually, NOTHING flushes in my toilet. Sometimes I push the handle and water just swirls around. When there is nothing in the water, I imagine it to be an effective cleaning mechanism. Other times, I push the handle and the water just rushes up to the panic line--you know, just below the rim so that it doesn't overflow but looks like it might if a strong wind were to come by? Finally, today, it gushed forth flooding my floor and encroaching upon my carpet.

I was pissed. But understandably so right?

So I fired up the laptop and wrote about it. Walked away, had some soybeans, came back and deleted half the letter. Contemplated getting my prescription filled and then edited the letter some more.

Now I need to know. See, I don't have another place to go. But I can't set foot in my bathroom because it's just darn gross. There's not stuff on the floor, but even just toilet water (with nothing in it) turns my stomache. So I was holding it for hours before I went out and did some shopping at Target. Of course it was all a plot to use the bathroom.

But I digress.

In my letter to the manager, I state that I will pay the December rent but I will be out of here come January 1. Pretty much, I need a place to lay my head and store my stuff until I find another apartment. [censored] .

But in my letter, I paint the situation as the dire situation that it is. Essentially, I will not be showering or using the bathroom here because my bathroom needs to be roped off with yellow danger tape. Sure, the toilet flushes now, but thirteen flushes from now, it will just swirl and another 7 flushes later it will overflow. I think that is unacceptable. Especially since now the assistant manager never wants to do anything about it. Way I see it, if I wanted to stick my hand around in my toilet, I'd buy a place. But as long as I pay rent in an old, decrepit building, that is what I have a landlord for. Even there, I have stopped bugging them all the time and just taken to using the plunger they left behind for me after the second overflow but really...a toilet should NOT overflow on a regular basis. I make like the wind and just make the effort to find somewhere for December 1? Or do I go ahead and pay for December to stay in their good graces? Push come to shove I hope I could work it either way, but I think they might try to stick me to the lease if I get ugly. I definitely don't want to stay here any longer. I've already budgeted for December, but I just cannot stay here longer than that.

I need a toilet. Is that too much to ask? I think this apartment is down the drain.

Thursday, November 24, 2005


[twiddling thumbs]. my life is really not boring. Far from it. And it's not that I'm not all about telling the world the most personal aspects of that non-boring life. But today is Thanksgiving. But really to me, it is Thursday.

Ever since my grandmother died, Thanksgiving has never really been an important holiday to me. Really, it is just another Thursday. know me. Really, it is the Thursday before shopping nirvana. Well, I'm competitive, I love a sale and I will GET what I came for. So of course I love Black Friday. But I digress.

Interestingly enough, this is the first Thanksgiving in a good month of them that I have not done something. My grandmother died in 2000--before Thanksgiving that year. Truth be told, I don't remember going home from Cornell that year because I had just been home at the start of the month for her funeral on November 9. I'm sure I couldn't afford to go back and I typically didn't go home for Thanksgiving while I was in college anyhow. I think that was the first year that I spent it with my ex and his family. I made a really great sour cream/pear tart that I never found the recipe to again. But, once more, I digress.

Though I claim myself close to my family, I've not seen them in years. No, not decades...not even close. But I have not seen my mother since November of 2002. Right about now marks 3 years. Oh...I talk to her all the time. Will definitely call her today. But we have not been face to face for a bit now and it's starting to take it's toll.

So go and visit you say?

It's just not that simple. My life never is.

I'm just keeping busy today. Trying not to forget my grandmother; steeling for the call home. Scrapping, cleaning and...yeah. Yeah. So.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Responsibly Unresponsive

9 am and what am I doing? Uhmmm...half of nothing. I have made the decision that today is going to be the day that I will be responsibly unresponsive. Instead of embarrasing a friend by letting her know that she has a dryer sheet hanging out the back pocket of her black slacks, I'm just going to pretend I don't notice. It saves that awkward moment of embarrassment. What she doesn't know won't hurt her right?

Or better yet, when I offer to take someone out to lunch and {s}he gets a bit spendy, I won't say "Yeah, I could have bought you that $20 tattoo if you wouldn't have spent $28 on lunch" Yeah...

These are the life moments that I am so going to miss [censored].


No, I also don't know if they will make it full time (uncensored answer: yeah right)



As for the more general questions:

Yes, it was my decision [censored].
Yes, I'm available for free lunches [censored]
Yes, I have lost it. But it's fun to be lost.

Time for a list? Maybe later this evening. My I sure am egocentric...or really just enjoy the first person.

Monday, November 21, 2005

This side of careless

So I walked into work this morning. On any given day, oh, about a month ago, if I would have had a non-meeting the likes of the non-meeting I had this morning, I would be ready to bring the wood. But today, I sat back and told myself:

It ain't your business.

How do you just turn the switch off? How do you go from fighting every battle as though the war depended on it to just saying "Okay, that sounds good?"

Today, I let go and it felt GOOD! I merely stated my case without caring whether or not anyone else would care/agree/act upon it. And guess what? It WORKED! If only I would have figured that out a year ago.

Two weeks to go and I about wiped my board clear today in my office. It is kind of eerie not really having anything to do and just waiting...waiting. Tomorrow, [censored].

I remember how I felt after I walked out of my last AKPsi meeting at Cornell back in 2000. I was walking down the hall in Warren Hall and counting the tiny tiles on the floor. It was as if I was trying to remember every last pattern. [censored].

I care, almost too much. But really, when it comes down to it, I'm just this side of careless.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Altogether Too Smart

Is there such a thing as too smart?
Of course not.

But there are those rare people you meet in life that are scary smart. You know, those folks who know a little bit about everything you don't know (but need to know), a bit more about things you have an interest in and they know close to everything about things you are truly passionate about? So okay...there are those kind of smart people.

But when you take that handful of smart people and start weening for those who are actually intelligent--you know, able to apply their smarts? And then you further ween for those who are actually wise--the folks who have experience with smart. Really, there are not that many people in the world.

Not that I am trying to easily categorize/stereotype/set low expectations for folks, but when you select for gender...well, I have mainly met women who fell into this category. So imagine my surprise when I managed to convince a male version of this super subset of humans to actually date me.

My boyfriend is altogether too smart. Everyday he does/says/wonders something new that challenges my assumptions and presumptions and makes me smile. And he's so real. And handy. And funny. And. He is just a whole lot of and.

The other day I was reading one of my favorite blogs {Altogether Too Happy} and I found myself thinking about all sorts of things that people could be altogether too much of. Lately, I've been telling my boyfriend a lot about how much I appreciate his smarts. But it's really not just his smarts or his intellect; his wisdom or even his intelligence. It is the fact that he is altogether too smart that fascinates me.


Why. Three letters. Such a loaded word. Admittedly, I'm likely not in the best of shape to be writing this at this moment and most folks will only have the privilege of glimpsing the very censored version of this. Sorry for you.

Weekends are my favorite. I get to come up to Seattle and hang out with the only person I really feel much like hanging out with lately. I humor him and his addiction to Home Depot and ride the bench to T-town and back so that I don't have to be away from him. Friday night, which seems so long ago, he humored me and my very low intake tolerance levels. I think he's amused by me. I think I'm amused by him too.

He has this gorgeously little mischevious grin. That "You know he's up to no good" grin that he doesn't think I notice. He says I have "that look". No matter, when we made it to MR, we danced, waited, danced some more, had a drink and congratulated the roommate on one more year. He humored me and danced some more and was finally saved by the arrival of the other two.

That turned the night into pimping myself out to get a stupid song played and getting hit on by a very, very drunk girl. Which is always interesting. No, not getting hit on by girls because that doesn't happen always. Rarely as a matter of fact. But interesting watching his reactions to those types of situations.

I think I'm a very trustworthy person. No...not that kind of trust. Well, yeah that too. But I'm talking emotional trust. Which is only really to be expected of us emotionally high maintenance types. I am easy to trust with facts and life through others eyes. But I'm not generally trusted with emotions and life through other people's hearts. I don't really know why that is. Until the bellhop comes for all of our bags though, this is the life we'll all lead...a life with no lead because in juxtaposition, we're really all just functioning without a clue in the world as to "what next".

Friday, November 18, 2005


Why am I up? It is 6:30 in the morning and this is highly inappropriate. You see...I work a cushy job and don't have to be at work until 9. And that's early. I only have to be there to present a thank you note to our speaker. Fun times.

What does one do at 6:30 in the morning? Well I typically roll over in bed and sleep for another 3 hours. Today, I'll contemplate life.


Another list. No, I have not finished the first list, but I enjoy a challenge:
  1. Go to work (c)
  2. Really...find that magazine
  3. Crosss off half the items on the "work" list
  4. Type some minutes
  5. Read some blogs (c)
  6. Take some pictures
  7. Bribe someone (c)
  8. Pay up on a bet (c)
  9. Get a payday clue (c)
  10. Build a pool (c)


Ellusive. I suppose shopping at BN is turning into a Liquidation World experience--"buy it today because it may not be here tomorrow."

Really. How hard is it to just come up off it and copy some files...pack some boxes...delete some emails. T-minus two weeks and counting until I'm down and out.

So the meeting was about two months ago. I told them I was so the wrong choice for secretary. I think I need to transition into local service instead of national boards. Or at least instead of a national board that I feel I am not being very useful on.


About a month...of Sundays? That's about how long it has been since I fired some shots. I need inspiration to go out and snap some pictures--particularly those kind that you can bribe others with.

check, sort of



Nap time. I have another two hours before I have to get up.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I have arrived

Plop. I'm here.

Well, I've been "here" for quite a while but now I am "here". Where to begin? Why the title for my blog? What will I write about? Why am I writing a full entry on what I'm going to write about instead of just writing? I know...a list. Lists are fun. Here is what I need to do since I've quit my job, found lots of time to procrastinate and now really just want to do something else. Anything else.

In no particular order:
  1. Create something
  2. Submit something
  3. Find an apartment
  4. Talk to him
  5. Get that magazine
  6. Translate that spreadsheet into a database
  7. Delete those emails
  8. Cook some dinner
  9. Annoy someone
  10. Enjoy someone else
I have the word sucker written across my forehead. Didn't really notice it until I went to my dealer to get my headlight fixed. No wait...THAT (believe it or not) is under warranty. What is not, is the break job he told me I needed to pay $350 for. Between my boyfriend who knows something about everything, Liisa and the hood, when he asked me if I wanted to authorize the repairs, I asked if Hell went with No. Gotta love Liisa and her straight hood students for the lovely comments that get incorporated into my everyday dialect.

So, if I go careening down I-5 (no, it is NOT "the 5") day after tomorrow on my way to Seattle, guess hell went with no after all.