Okay. I have so much to say and 10 seconds to say it. So a top 10 list is in order with a need to fill in the blankity blank blanks tomorrow. Or so.
10. Water views rock
West Seattle. Lots of kayak people. And water fowl. And other stuff. Just enough to keep me entertained long enough to not watch tv, not read a book and not do any other work (ie scrap, read, create...).
9. Space for tall girls is a good thing.
I have a whole room with nothing in it. A big room. I have grande schemes for it. And my bedroom is only half full. More plans. And my scrap room and a half...goodness. Tiny kitchen, but who cooks anyhow? Yeah...we'll work on that.
8. Crisis management affirmations
Deadline? What deadline? Tuition? Yeah, that's a lot of money...if you're buying a slipcover for a sofa. If you're paying for college, it's a drop in the bucket. Money is to be spent, not horded. Yeah, there is retirement. Yeah there is tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow might not come. But that is why today is important. Understanding the concept of "enough" and living beyond, beneath and within that. So tuition is nothing. Reading hundreds of applications is nothing. Meeting three major deadlines is nothing. Appreciating others is everything. Especially when those others so deserve appreciation and affirmation.
7. Bernadette Master Plan
Yeah. Let me get back to you on that one. Main ingredients? Me. Him. Her. Them. A healthy dash of giving, a grandiose shake of happiness and a pound of smiles. Lots of camera clicks (to taste) and many, many deep breaths. Incumbate. let hatch when ready.
6. Job. Love it. Rocks.
Create that newsletter. Monitor that phone a thon. Work with those students. Read that file again. End of the day, leave it at work and go home and do your other job well. End of allotted time, leave that one aside and go do your third job fantastically well. Enjoy life. Enjoy this space. Wow...how many people are as lucky as me?
5. Stuff, stuff, and more stuff. In boxes
Almost all out of boxes. I have a lot of stuff. And even more space. And time, resources and wherewithall to fill it. Materialistic? Hardly. High maintenance? Depends on who you ask I suppose. happy? Oh yes definitely. nothing better than shopping through your own boxes of fantastically fun stuff that has been packed up forever for lack of space to display it.
4. Party here, party, there, popular girl returns
Fun times at BF's neighbor's place. Fun cooked stuff and good company to have fun with. Then we had to "move my stuff." Well, my junk in my trunk out at the resort that is. Another party next Friday. This time at my neighbor's place. Symphony Saturday. I think I have a board meeting Sunday. Uh huh. Where's that calendar again? Oh yeah...space to post it to the wall again. How fun is that?!
3. snow. rain. snow.
Or is it rain, snow, rain. No matter. I remarked how wonderful is it to live life like this: Wake up in the morning, drop the kayak. Get bored, hop in the car and strap on the skis (snow). Come back home and walk the beach. In December. Did I mention how much I love Seattle today? Right...never in a million days did I ever think I would visit this place. Much less get educated out here, work out here, live out here and now play out here.
2. camera? what camera?
Yeah...should get on that purchase. I miss taking pictures. Really I do. I have plenty to scrap (what scrapper doesn't) but I feel as though I'm missing lots of life. Definitely missing lots of BF pictures...and that's a big one.
1. broken promises
Yeah...daily. I know. But life is so busy. In a happy, happy, happy way. 3 pm...where is my home at now?
Uncensored. I promise[d]. yeah!!
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Confounded...*@&#&
So.
Why is it that the other day, when I saw a stalled car blocking traffic at the corner of 4th and Marion, my first thought was “I wonder, if that were a car bomb, if I would be safe from the blast at this distance.”
So.
Why is it that my landlord totally flipped her lid and now is going to be stuck finding a new tenant, cleaning an apartment and taking me to court when she could have just as easily said “fine, I’ll fix the sh$tter” or, just as easily “I don’t care, sublet the place already.”
So.
Why is it that it is December 21 and I have yet to really do any Christmas shopping yet I still manage to have way too many gifts for the BF? He’s going to freak out.
So. So. Yeah…so.
The car didn’t blow up. Someone brought the driver some gas and I was only 18 minutes late.
The landlord, bless her soul, is disturbed. very.
I’m one crafty chick. I think he’ll love all of the gifts and we’ve already agreed not to play the “you got more” or “you spent more” game. I kinda stuck to the “rules” and only intend to get him one major gift. But I fathom that he’ll like the others better.
So, so, so. Ho, ho, ho [pimp]. I love The Office. That show is so very wrong and it makes me laugh so very hard. Welcome to America outside of the protected world of my Office of Diversity & Equity. [censored] Well…well.
Uncensored blog coming back soon. really. Lunch is over. really.
Why is it that the other day, when I saw a stalled car blocking traffic at the corner of 4th and Marion, my first thought was “I wonder, if that were a car bomb, if I would be safe from the blast at this distance.”
So.
Why is it that my landlord totally flipped her lid and now is going to be stuck finding a new tenant, cleaning an apartment and taking me to court when she could have just as easily said “fine, I’ll fix the sh$tter” or, just as easily “I don’t care, sublet the place already.”
So.
Why is it that it is December 21 and I have yet to really do any Christmas shopping yet I still manage to have way too many gifts for the BF? He’s going to freak out.
So. So. Yeah…so.
The car didn’t blow up. Someone brought the driver some gas and I was only 18 minutes late.
The landlord, bless her soul, is disturbed. very.
I’m one crafty chick. I think he’ll love all of the gifts and we’ve already agreed not to play the “you got more” or “you spent more” game. I kinda stuck to the “rules” and only intend to get him one major gift. But I fathom that he’ll like the others better.
So, so, so. Ho, ho, ho [pimp]. I love The Office. That show is so very wrong and it makes me laugh so very hard. Welcome to America outside of the protected world of my Office of Diversity & Equity. [censored] Well…well.
Uncensored blog coming back soon. really. Lunch is over. really.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Just. Say. It.
What an amazing weekend. Got off of work on Friday, hopped the bus to get downtown. Walked most of the hill to hop the bus. Loved the fresh, crisp Seattle air. God I love this city.
Got downtown. The lights are GORGEOUS. I love the simple things--simple white lights give the city an innocent glow.
We got home, popped in a movie of my choosing (General's Daughter) and I promptly fell asleep halfway through. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. He says it has something to do with me working a job with real hours and the commute it takes to get there. Maybe.
Woke up in time to stay awake for the ride south to Oly. Slept in my bed on a Friday night.
Awoke relatively early on Saturday and headed further south to Portland. Evidently not early enough because we didn't make it in time to get breakfast before we arrived. No biggie.
Checked into the Paramount and the valet saved the day (and the ticket). Walked around in the frigid frio cold to get to Powell's--the highlight of any Portland trip. Bought:
Met by the roommate at Powell's and headed over to Rocco's (the original) for pizza. Checked the local rags for something to do. Adamant opposition to the Nutcracker and so we roamed. And roamed. Then napped. Then asked.
Jaime, the concierge sent us to Harrison's where lively discussion solidified my unwaivering belief in "us" now and for a long time to come. Back to the Paramount and then back out for live jazz and crayon encrypted messages as Brasserie Montmarte.
hangman. I've hung myself for not asking the followup. Never say never, but the curse of the "you should have saids" will follow me even now in my old age. Maybe moreso now in my old age where the comebacks are not nearly as witty. Or as quick.
4 letters. Second is "o", fourth is "e". Yeah I knew it. But I was too scared to say it. Because then I would have had to ask. And if he said "I really care for you..." or even if he said "I think one day I might..." And if he said "Yeah I do"? Then what do I say?
He told me the word. I smiled a smile I have not smiled in close to forever. But I didn't ask. In some ways, it was enough. In others, I feel I let him down.
On the way back, drove by St. Helens. He's never been. Unfortunately, they advised against Coldwater and I think Johnston is closed this time of year. 80 mph gusts and a front moving in. Of course we saw it clear as day on the way back out. I promised. That's a promise I will hold. I love holding promises for him and carrying them out.
Side fieldtrip to Ocean Shores. Ocean City state park. Uhhh no. But Ocean Shores in December. The crashing waves. And crash landing birds. And walking in the surf with the shutter going off. And getting to drive all the way back to Oly.
I'm afraid to wake up. This feels too good. Too imperfectly perfect. If only we would just say it already.
Got downtown. The lights are GORGEOUS. I love the simple things--simple white lights give the city an innocent glow.
We got home, popped in a movie of my choosing (General's Daughter) and I promptly fell asleep halfway through. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. He says it has something to do with me working a job with real hours and the commute it takes to get there. Maybe.
Woke up in time to stay awake for the ride south to Oly. Slept in my bed on a Friday night.
Awoke relatively early on Saturday and headed further south to Portland. Evidently not early enough because we didn't make it in time to get breakfast before we arrived. No biggie.
Checked into the Paramount and the valet saved the day (and the ticket). Walked around in the frigid frio cold to get to Powell's--the highlight of any Portland trip. Bought:
Don't Play in the Sun by Marita Golden
In the Garden of Our Dreams by Shirlee Taylor Haizlip & Harold C. Haizlip
gal a true life by Ruthie Bolton
gal a true life by Ruthie Bolton
"And don't call me a racist!" by Ella Mazel
gotta get Shifting (??) by the African American Women Voices Project
Met by the roommate at Powell's and headed over to Rocco's (the original) for pizza. Checked the local rags for something to do. Adamant opposition to the Nutcracker and so we roamed. And roamed. Then napped. Then asked.
Jaime, the concierge sent us to Harrison's where lively discussion solidified my unwaivering belief in "us" now and for a long time to come. Back to the Paramount and then back out for live jazz and crayon encrypted messages as Brasserie Montmarte.
hangman. I've hung myself for not asking the followup. Never say never, but the curse of the "you should have saids" will follow me even now in my old age. Maybe moreso now in my old age where the comebacks are not nearly as witty. Or as quick.
4 letters. Second is "o", fourth is "e". Yeah I knew it. But I was too scared to say it. Because then I would have had to ask. And if he said "I really care for you..." or even if he said "I think one day I might..." And if he said "Yeah I do"? Then what do I say?
He told me the word. I smiled a smile I have not smiled in close to forever. But I didn't ask. In some ways, it was enough. In others, I feel I let him down.
On the way back, drove by St. Helens. He's never been. Unfortunately, they advised against Coldwater and I think Johnston is closed this time of year. 80 mph gusts and a front moving in. Of course we saw it clear as day on the way back out. I promised. That's a promise I will hold. I love holding promises for him and carrying them out.
Side fieldtrip to Ocean Shores. Ocean City state park. Uhhh no. But Ocean Shores in December. The crashing waves. And crash landing birds. And walking in the surf with the shutter going off. And getting to drive all the way back to Oly.
I'm afraid to wake up. This feels too good. Too imperfectly perfect. If only we would just say it already.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Good. Imperfection.
Life is. I am. My book is. My job is. My friends are. My family is. My co-workers are. My boyfriend is. My checkbook is. My bills are. My plans are. My world is.
Maybe it is my co-worker who calls me "hun".
Maybe it is my boss who trusts me to make relatively huge decisions.
Maybe it is getting to talk to Liisa three times in one day.
Maybe it is plans to stay at the Paramount this Saturday.
Maybe it is 987 cards down, thousands to go.
Maybe it is a fantastic book about tragic events not backbreaking
(Monkey Business...read it)
Maybe it is Scrapworks, Simple Scrapbooking and PaperCrafts.
Maybe it is West Seattle.
Maybe it is toes on the heater.
Maybe it is lots of sleep.
I am happy. I am here. I am not stressing. I am not complaining. I am not taking it personal. I am laughing again. I want to stop planning and just do again. I have ideas. I have passion. I have an uncanny urge to eat lots of apple pie with ice cream and sparkly lemon water.
I love life and everything in mine and everything about it. Really. Everything isn't perfect, but it is in that imperfection, in those details, that life is perfectly imperfect.
Good.
All of it. I don't know what it was today.
Maybe it is my co-worker who calls me "hun".
Maybe it is my boss who trusts me to make relatively huge decisions.
Maybe it is getting to talk to Liisa three times in one day.
Maybe it is plans to stay at the Paramount this Saturday.
Maybe it is 987 cards down, thousands to go.
Maybe it is a fantastic book about tragic events not backbreaking
(Monkey Business...read it)
Maybe it is Scrapworks, Simple Scrapbooking and PaperCrafts.
Maybe it is West Seattle.
Maybe it is toes on the heater.
Maybe it is lots of sleep.
I am happy. I am here. I am not stressing. I am not complaining. I am not taking it personal. I am laughing again. I want to stop planning and just do again. I have ideas. I have passion. I have an uncanny urge to eat lots of apple pie with ice cream and sparkly lemon water.
I love life and everything in mine and everything about it. Really. Everything isn't perfect, but it is in that imperfection, in those details, that life is perfectly imperfect.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Really...a week?
Has it really been a week since I have written? What is the word for what you feel when you are beyond exhausted? Yeah, I'm too tired to think it up too. So tired I cannot look for the remote control or turn the channel from the Chris Matthews show. Ugh. You know I'm bone tired.
I need to eat. But I don't really have much to cook. I really want some pasta, but then I should probably go to the store and get some kind of sauce. Maybe some pasta too. Or I should just go to Taco Bell. No...be responsible. Go buy groceries.
Two more weeks. Then I have a week off. A whole long week. Whatever will I do with myself?
I think I'll wrap some gifts tonight. Got most of my sister's gift. Since she doesn't read my blog yet (positive about that), I can say that I still need to get her a gift card and then she will be done.
My mother is far LESS likely to read my blog. I want to look up a spa in the El Paso area and get her a gift certificate. I'm so sure she could use it. And then I'll likely make her another gift basket since she really liked that last year. And I'd love to just buy her a couple of airline tickets to fly north already. But that would freak her out. So I think what I will do is a couple of cute gift album deals for her. One will actually be a photo album with pictures of me and Robert since she is so on the "yeah...you're this big time scrapbooker but you don't never send me any pages. Okay, okay. Which reminds me. It might be a great idea to just make copies of like my favorite 10-20 pages and make an album/portfoilo of those for her. Maybe just something to do another time. Anyhow, the other album is going to be a fill in the blank deal. All of the stuff we'll do in Seattle, just add pictures kinda deal. Maybe even send a ticket or gift certificate for places only up here--ie, Red Robin gift cert, etc. That way, she can't use them at home, she knows that I'm committed to her coming and she gets a glimpse of all the cool things we can do when she visits.
I actually do think that she is committed to making the trip this year. I hope so.
BF is adorable as always. But he knows that. We had a really laid back weekend which I really appreciated after this crazy week. One good thing about life now is that I actually get to see him more often.
Sidenote--I absolutely CANNOT believe it is only 4:30.
Anyhow...back to the weekend. He woke me up at like 6:50 so that we could go to Queen Anne to take pictures of DT Seattle and the mountain at sunrise. We'll have to do it during the week when the worker bees actually turn on the lights in the buildings. But God how amazingly, wonderfully, pure, calming and beautiful it is up there.
I fell asleep during the funniest movie of all times (that would be Elf) and now it is going on Monday and time to start the race all over again. I think I'm going to find a way to get more done on the bus. Like reading for pleasure. I certainly have enough time at work to get work done so...let the projects commence.
Bf lurks on the blog from time to time so I cannot mention his gifts here but let me just say one word:
cool.
I'm psyched.
I promise to get nightly again. Promise. Till tomorrow.
I need to eat. But I don't really have much to cook. I really want some pasta, but then I should probably go to the store and get some kind of sauce. Maybe some pasta too. Or I should just go to Taco Bell. No...be responsible. Go buy groceries.
Two more weeks. Then I have a week off. A whole long week. Whatever will I do with myself?
I think I'll wrap some gifts tonight. Got most of my sister's gift. Since she doesn't read my blog yet (positive about that), I can say that I still need to get her a gift card and then she will be done.
My mother is far LESS likely to read my blog. I want to look up a spa in the El Paso area and get her a gift certificate. I'm so sure she could use it. And then I'll likely make her another gift basket since she really liked that last year. And I'd love to just buy her a couple of airline tickets to fly north already. But that would freak her out. So I think what I will do is a couple of cute gift album deals for her. One will actually be a photo album with pictures of me and Robert since she is so on the "yeah...you're this big time scrapbooker but you don't never send me any pages. Okay, okay. Which reminds me. It might be a great idea to just make copies of like my favorite 10-20 pages and make an album/portfoilo of those for her. Maybe just something to do another time. Anyhow, the other album is going to be a fill in the blank deal. All of the stuff we'll do in Seattle, just add pictures kinda deal. Maybe even send a ticket or gift certificate for places only up here--ie, Red Robin gift cert, etc. That way, she can't use them at home, she knows that I'm committed to her coming and she gets a glimpse of all the cool things we can do when she visits.
I actually do think that she is committed to making the trip this year. I hope so.
BF is adorable as always. But he knows that. We had a really laid back weekend which I really appreciated after this crazy week. One good thing about life now is that I actually get to see him more often.
Sidenote--I absolutely CANNOT believe it is only 4:30.
Anyhow...back to the weekend. He woke me up at like 6:50 so that we could go to Queen Anne to take pictures of DT Seattle and the mountain at sunrise. We'll have to do it during the week when the worker bees actually turn on the lights in the buildings. But God how amazingly, wonderfully, pure, calming and beautiful it is up there.
I fell asleep during the funniest movie of all times (that would be Elf) and now it is going on Monday and time to start the race all over again. I think I'm going to find a way to get more done on the bus. Like reading for pleasure. I certainly have enough time at work to get work done so...let the projects commence.
Bf lurks on the blog from time to time so I cannot mention his gifts here but let me just say one word:
cool.
I'm psyched.
I promise to get nightly again. Promise. Till tomorrow.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Change Agent
So. You love the heck out of someone. Someone has a problem. You see the problem. In lucid moments someone sees the problem as well. But those lucid moments are few and far between. Someone doesn't really see their problem as the real problem that it is. Merely a simple issue, but not a problem. Not a problem that impacts family, friends--real friends, not the ones who enable someone.
I don't know what to do. Really, there is nothing I CAN do.
Everyone says it and knows it and I understand it. Someone has to want to change in order to change. Layer that on top of the common knowledge that people don't change. Is it hopeless?
So then. My birthday was fantastically simple. I am really LOVING a far less complicated life. Dear boyfriend took me out to the Comedy Underground where I laughed my butt off. Got back to his place and got gifts so very apropo. We're going to go to Walla Walla when it gets warmer (smile) and he got me a carry on travel bag. Red of course (smile). Perfect [censored]. Then, Sunday morning we went to breakfast, ran some errands and I hung out at his place as he installed lights. He cooked me dinner and sent me on my way so that I'd be able to get up early enough to take the bus to work in the morning.
Not so much. I ended up driving the whole way today. I'll definitely need to take the bus a heckuva lot more often to deter the stop at one of my fave craft stores along the way. Just picked up a few items for an amazing gift idea I have for the boyfriend. He's gonna love it...capitalism aside (smile). Hey...I DID support the economy by buying the supplies for it.
[censored] job--rocks the house. [censored] I love it. [censored].
Okay...time to mourn my loses, post a photo and "suck it up already" and try again. Check my other blogs for more.
I don't know what to do. Really, there is nothing I CAN do.
Everyone says it and knows it and I understand it. Someone has to want to change in order to change. Layer that on top of the common knowledge that people don't change. Is it hopeless?
So then. My birthday was fantastically simple. I am really LOVING a far less complicated life. Dear boyfriend took me out to the Comedy Underground where I laughed my butt off. Got back to his place and got gifts so very apropo. We're going to go to Walla Walla when it gets warmer (smile) and he got me a carry on travel bag. Red of course (smile). Perfect [censored]. Then, Sunday morning we went to breakfast, ran some errands and I hung out at his place as he installed lights. He cooked me dinner and sent me on my way so that I'd be able to get up early enough to take the bus to work in the morning.
Not so much. I ended up driving the whole way today. I'll definitely need to take the bus a heckuva lot more often to deter the stop at one of my fave craft stores along the way. Just picked up a few items for an amazing gift idea I have for the boyfriend. He's gonna love it...capitalism aside (smile). Hey...I DID support the economy by buying the supplies for it.
[censored] job--rocks the house. [censored] I love it. [censored].
Okay...time to mourn my loses, post a photo and "suck it up already" and try again. Check my other blogs for more.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
They like me...they really do
Sometimes. And other times they just love me. I had to choke back some serious SERIOUS tears when I saw Liisa sitting up at the desk this past Friday when I walked into work. She came all the way up to Olympia skiddin' in on the rails on her day off with her papers due to come and see me [censored]. Okay...I'ma electrocute myself on this here laptop if I start crying again.
[censored].
Speaking of which.
How do you convince your boyfriend to come up off the secret already? He won't tell me where we're going tonight. I do know that it wouldn't be a weekend without a trip to Home Depot of course. Light boxes this time. Matching holes in the wall to prove it. God that boy is super patient. Probably why he's still hanging out with me.
So. Monday is the day. [censored]. It is the day I finally find out who won the Scrapworks contest that has taken a life of it's own on my b3 blog. I'm really trying to just forget about it but that's a cool $1000 I could SOOOOO use right now what with [censored] Christmas and all. Genius is as genius does--I get loaded on December 23. I'm responsible enough to not put off the real bills until then and instead use my December 10 check to have fun, but still. I'd much rather buy presents than a brake job next week.
Sigh.
And yes, for the millionith time, one day I will eat Carrot Cake again.
[censored].
Speaking of which.
How do you convince your boyfriend to come up off the secret already? He won't tell me where we're going tonight. I do know that it wouldn't be a weekend without a trip to Home Depot of course. Light boxes this time. Matching holes in the wall to prove it. God that boy is super patient. Probably why he's still hanging out with me.
So. Monday is the day. [censored]. It is the day I finally find out who won the Scrapworks contest that has taken a life of it's own on my b3 blog. I'm really trying to just forget about it but that's a cool $1000 I could SOOOOO use right now what with [censored] Christmas and all. Genius is as genius does--I get loaded on December 23. I'm responsible enough to not put off the real bills until then and instead use my December 10 check to have fun, but still. I'd much rather buy presents than a brake job next week.
Sigh.
And yes, for the millionith time, one day I will eat Carrot Cake again.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
List'd
To make a list or not to make the list. I'm not at all high maintenance. I just like nice things. Some are nicer than others. These are the gorgeous things a person so inclined could buy for me as long as he/she/it makes sure to keep in mind that what I want most in the world cannot be bought and what I appreciate most in a gift is not the price tag. So then...
************[Maintenance]List**********
************(Fun)List**********
************FunctionalList**********
Price points for all.
Happy giving season.
T-minus 8 hours...
So. Yesterday and Monday I had [censored] parties. Let me just say that I don't want to see any more carrot cake for a long, LONG time. But how cool is that that everyone remembered my favorite kinds of cake?
On Monday, I sat down with my student group and we just talked. One of my students was reading us these awesome passsages about {un}thankful thanksgiving--about why there are very valid reasons why many Native Americans don't have reason to celebrate that day. Really caused me to think and contemplate whether or not I will celebrate the day myself anymore. Then we got to reading about being poly (as opposed to multi) cultural. Now THAT was a great piece. [censored].
Yesterday (Tuesday), [censored] I really tried to get out of the super analytical, read-too-much-into-it mindset. But it was interesting who came and who did not come. Was very telling [censored]. In a nutshell, it was important that the students [censored] were there. It is equally important that the people who could have helped me to help them the most, were not there. Nuff said about all of that.
Another of my super-fantastic students had just come by to break down the ultra amazing display we had in the Cultural Center for all of November. We were so lucky to come across this amazing woman who was so completely knowledgable about her culture and so willing to share it. Oh how amazing the world would be if there were just two more of her. Just two more.
So [censored] I loved this experience.
Well...birthday is this Sunday. I already love that I'll get to celebrate it for three days or so. My BF is a cutie--he's going to cook me dinner on Friday. I love it when he cooks for me. Almost as much as I love to cook for him. Sigh...the next utterance from my keyboard will be a "he's so dreamy" so I better stop before I get censored [again]. Yes...I am sitting here giggling at myself.
Okay, okay...another few lists need to be posted. It will get him reading my blog (lurker) so...off I go.
On Monday, I sat down with my student group and we just talked. One of my students was reading us these awesome passsages about {un}thankful thanksgiving--about why there are very valid reasons why many Native Americans don't have reason to celebrate that day. Really caused me to think and contemplate whether or not I will celebrate the day myself anymore. Then we got to reading about being poly (as opposed to multi) cultural. Now THAT was a great piece. [censored].
Yesterday (Tuesday), [censored] I really tried to get out of the super analytical, read-too-much-into-it mindset. But it was interesting who came and who did not come. Was very telling [censored]. In a nutshell, it was important that the students [censored] were there. It is equally important that the people who could have helped me to help them the most, were not there. Nuff said about all of that.
Another of my super-fantastic students had just come by to break down the ultra amazing display we had in the Cultural Center for all of November. We were so lucky to come across this amazing woman who was so completely knowledgable about her culture and so willing to share it. Oh how amazing the world would be if there were just two more of her. Just two more.
So [censored] I loved this experience.
Well...birthday is this Sunday. I already love that I'll get to celebrate it for three days or so. My BF is a cutie--he's going to cook me dinner on Friday. I love it when he cooks for me. Almost as much as I love to cook for him. Sigh...the next utterance from my keyboard will be a "he's so dreamy" so I better stop before I get censored [again]. Yes...I am sitting here giggling at myself.
Okay, okay...another few lists need to be posted. It will get him reading my blog (lurker) so...off I go.
Monday, November 28, 2005
I'm not weird, I just like weird movies
Or so I have been told. That the movies I like are weird. Not really though. Right now, my three faves are really not anything recent because, you see, my boyfriend is big on watching movies at his place. Now, it's not like we're watching on the 13 inch black and white. Oh no. That would be half-arsed and my BF doesn't do anything unless he's doing it full out.
So. When we watch movies at his place, it is on the ultra comfy (as in, just look at the thing and you fall asleep) make out couch.
And it's with the big screen out (think what...4x8...yes that is feet).
And it's with the ground shaking (his surround sound would make many a movie theater jealous).
He's such a boy. I like it a lot (smile).
In any event, though we didn't watch one of these three movies in the complex as I will soon take to calling the screening room, we did watch them all together. And he gave me "that look" each time I oooohhhed and ahhhhed over these movies. Which movies? I'm getting there already.
So.
I really, REALLY liked Crash. And I really, REALLY liked City of God. And I of course loved Monster's Ball. They're all social commentary on crappy situations. I guess, if you think about it, they all start at the end too. I just noticed that about Monster's Ball the other night.
In any event, I love watching movies that you have to watch a few times (okay...that I have to watch a few times) to truly get the whole gist of it.
Another thing all three movies had in common is that they each pushed me out of my comfort zone. As madame diversity guru (I'm kinda sad, I only have 24 more work hours of that title...oh no!!), I had serious issues with Crash. Couldn't help but to proclaim that I loved the movie every six or so scenes, but still. The stereotypes were harsh if only to draw the obvious parallels.
In City of God, the whole drug game really had me caught up because...well, I promised when I started this that I wouldn't call people out negatively. So I'll just say that that movie hit a bit too close to home for me and had me thinking "well, now I see..." and I'd really rather stay closeminded when it comes to homewrecking issues such as drug dealing.
In Monster's Ball, good goodness I'm not a prude. Reserved, shy, laid back perhaps. But I seem to seriously block out a good 7 minutes of that movie. It was funny because I was telling BF that I was shocked that an actress of her caliber didn't have nudity clauses in her contract. He (observantly) said "Nudity clauses?! Try f-scene clauses." Point well taken. Anyhow, everytime I see that movie I'm reminded of the controversy over what Halle had to do to get her Oscar. Never say never, but I'd like to think that Billy Bob would be on my "does Hell go with No" list.
Anyhow, there you have it. Check out City of God, Monster's Ball and Crash. Sure, be brave and do them back to back to back. In the meantime, I should compose some thoughts on the dinner party before the memory blurs. I will, I will...but other things just keep coming up.
And then she signed off.
So. When we watch movies at his place, it is on the ultra comfy (as in, just look at the thing and you fall asleep) make out couch.
And it's with the big screen out (think what...4x8...yes that is feet).
And it's with the ground shaking (his surround sound would make many a movie theater jealous).
He's such a boy. I like it a lot (smile).
In any event, though we didn't watch one of these three movies in the complex as I will soon take to calling the screening room, we did watch them all together. And he gave me "that look" each time I oooohhhed and ahhhhed over these movies. Which movies? I'm getting there already.
So.
I really, REALLY liked Crash. And I really, REALLY liked City of God. And I of course loved Monster's Ball. They're all social commentary on crappy situations. I guess, if you think about it, they all start at the end too. I just noticed that about Monster's Ball the other night.
In any event, I love watching movies that you have to watch a few times (okay...that I have to watch a few times) to truly get the whole gist of it.
Another thing all three movies had in common is that they each pushed me out of my comfort zone. As madame diversity guru (I'm kinda sad, I only have 24 more work hours of that title...oh no!!), I had serious issues with Crash. Couldn't help but to proclaim that I loved the movie every six or so scenes, but still. The stereotypes were harsh if only to draw the obvious parallels.
In City of God, the whole drug game really had me caught up because...well, I promised when I started this that I wouldn't call people out negatively. So I'll just say that that movie hit a bit too close to home for me and had me thinking "well, now I see..." and I'd really rather stay closeminded when it comes to homewrecking issues such as drug dealing.
In Monster's Ball, good goodness I'm not a prude. Reserved, shy, laid back perhaps. But I seem to seriously block out a good 7 minutes of that movie. It was funny because I was telling BF that I was shocked that an actress of her caliber didn't have nudity clauses in her contract. He (observantly) said "Nudity clauses?! Try f-scene clauses." Point well taken. Anyhow, everytime I see that movie I'm reminded of the controversy over what Halle had to do to get her Oscar. Never say never, but I'd like to think that Billy Bob would be on my "does Hell go with No" list.
Anyhow, there you have it. Check out City of God, Monster's Ball and Crash. Sure, be brave and do them back to back to back. In the meantime, I should compose some thoughts on the dinner party before the memory blurs. I will, I will...but other things just keep coming up.
And then she signed off.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Priorities
I'm a bit behind. I promise to write about the dinner party tomorrow or later tonight. But for this post, let us discuss priorities.
My boyfriend is good about reminding me that from time to time, I just need to write a list of what I want and order it up so that I understand what is important to me.
Right now, I need to decide the following:
My boyfriend is good about reminding me that from time to time, I just need to write a list of what I want and order it up so that I understand what is important to me.
Right now, I need to decide the following:
[censored]
post will return momentarily in entirety
Friday, November 25, 2005
Down the Drain
So how detrimental to my argument of "this place is a dump" is it if I agree to pay for another month's rent while I look for another place?
Okay. So, as you all know, I have sh*t problems. Well, no not really, but it doesn't flush in my toilet. Actually, NOTHING flushes in my toilet. Sometimes I push the handle and water just swirls around. When there is nothing in the water, I imagine it to be an effective cleaning mechanism. Other times, I push the handle and the water just rushes up to the panic line--you know, just below the rim so that it doesn't overflow but looks like it might if a strong wind were to come by? Finally, today, it gushed forth flooding my floor and encroaching upon my carpet.
I was pissed. But understandably so right?
So I fired up the laptop and wrote about it. Walked away, had some soybeans, came back and deleted half the letter. Contemplated getting my prescription filled and then edited the letter some more.
Now I need to know. See, I don't have another place to go. But I can't set foot in my bathroom because it's just darn gross. There's not stuff on the floor, but even just toilet water (with nothing in it) turns my stomache. So I was holding it for hours before I went out and did some shopping at Target. Of course it was all a plot to use the bathroom.
But I digress.
In my letter to the manager, I state that I will pay the December rent but I will be out of here come January 1. Pretty much, I need a place to lay my head and store my stuff until I find another apartment. [censored] .
But in my letter, I paint the situation as the dire situation that it is. Essentially, I will not be showering or using the bathroom here because my bathroom needs to be roped off with yellow danger tape. Sure, the toilet flushes now, but thirteen flushes from now, it will just swirl and another 7 flushes later it will overflow. I think that is unacceptable. Especially since now the assistant manager never wants to do anything about it. Way I see it, if I wanted to stick my hand around in my toilet, I'd buy a place. But as long as I pay rent in an old, decrepit building, that is what I have a landlord for. Even there, I have stopped bugging them all the time and just taken to using the plunger they left behind for me after the second overflow but really...a toilet should NOT overflow on a regular basis.
So...do I make like the wind and just make the effort to find somewhere for December 1? Or do I go ahead and pay for December to stay in their good graces? Push come to shove I hope I could work it either way, but I think they might try to stick me to the lease if I get ugly. I definitely don't want to stay here any longer. I've already budgeted for December, but I just cannot stay here longer than that.
I need a toilet. Is that too much to ask? I think this apartment is down the drain.
Okay. So, as you all know, I have sh*t problems. Well, no not really, but it doesn't flush in my toilet. Actually, NOTHING flushes in my toilet. Sometimes I push the handle and water just swirls around. When there is nothing in the water, I imagine it to be an effective cleaning mechanism. Other times, I push the handle and the water just rushes up to the panic line--you know, just below the rim so that it doesn't overflow but looks like it might if a strong wind were to come by? Finally, today, it gushed forth flooding my floor and encroaching upon my carpet.
I was pissed. But understandably so right?
So I fired up the laptop and wrote about it. Walked away, had some soybeans, came back and deleted half the letter. Contemplated getting my prescription filled and then edited the letter some more.
Now I need to know. See, I don't have another place to go. But I can't set foot in my bathroom because it's just darn gross. There's not stuff on the floor, but even just toilet water (with nothing in it) turns my stomache. So I was holding it for hours before I went out and did some shopping at Target. Of course it was all a plot to use the bathroom.
But I digress.
In my letter to the manager, I state that I will pay the December rent but I will be out of here come January 1. Pretty much, I need a place to lay my head and store my stuff until I find another apartment. [censored] .
But in my letter, I paint the situation as the dire situation that it is. Essentially, I will not be showering or using the bathroom here because my bathroom needs to be roped off with yellow danger tape. Sure, the toilet flushes now, but thirteen flushes from now, it will just swirl and another 7 flushes later it will overflow. I think that is unacceptable. Especially since now the assistant manager never wants to do anything about it. Way I see it, if I wanted to stick my hand around in my toilet, I'd buy a place. But as long as I pay rent in an old, decrepit building, that is what I have a landlord for. Even there, I have stopped bugging them all the time and just taken to using the plunger they left behind for me after the second overflow but really...a toilet should NOT overflow on a regular basis.
So...do I make like the wind and just make the effort to find somewhere for December 1? Or do I go ahead and pay for December to stay in their good graces? Push come to shove I hope I could work it either way, but I think they might try to stick me to the lease if I get ugly. I definitely don't want to stay here any longer. I've already budgeted for December, but I just cannot stay here longer than that.
I need a toilet. Is that too much to ask? I think this apartment is down the drain.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
So
[twiddling thumbs]. my life is really not boring. Far from it. And it's not that I'm not all about telling the world the most personal aspects of that non-boring life. But today is Thanksgiving. But really to me, it is Thursday.
Ever since my grandmother died, Thanksgiving has never really been an important holiday to me. Really, it is just another Thursday. Okay...you know me. Really, it is the Thursday before shopping nirvana. Well, I'm competitive, I love a sale and I will GET what I came for. So of course I love Black Friday. But I digress.
Interestingly enough, this is the first Thanksgiving in a good month of them that I have not done something. My grandmother died in 2000--before Thanksgiving that year. Truth be told, I don't remember going home from Cornell that year because I had just been home at the start of the month for her funeral on November 9. I'm sure I couldn't afford to go back and I typically didn't go home for Thanksgiving while I was in college anyhow. I think that was the first year that I spent it with my ex and his family. I made a really great sour cream/pear tart that I never found the recipe to again. But, once more, I digress.
Though I claim myself close to my family, I've not seen them in years. No, not decades...not even close. But I have not seen my mother since November of 2002. Right about now marks 3 years. Oh...I talk to her all the time. Will definitely call her today. But we have not been face to face for a bit now and it's starting to take it's toll.
So go and visit you say?
It's just not that simple. My life never is.
I'm just keeping busy today. Trying not to forget my grandmother; steeling for the call home. Scrapping, cleaning and...yeah. Yeah. So.
Ever since my grandmother died, Thanksgiving has never really been an important holiday to me. Really, it is just another Thursday. Okay...you know me. Really, it is the Thursday before shopping nirvana. Well, I'm competitive, I love a sale and I will GET what I came for. So of course I love Black Friday. But I digress.
Interestingly enough, this is the first Thanksgiving in a good month of them that I have not done something. My grandmother died in 2000--before Thanksgiving that year. Truth be told, I don't remember going home from Cornell that year because I had just been home at the start of the month for her funeral on November 9. I'm sure I couldn't afford to go back and I typically didn't go home for Thanksgiving while I was in college anyhow. I think that was the first year that I spent it with my ex and his family. I made a really great sour cream/pear tart that I never found the recipe to again. But, once more, I digress.
Though I claim myself close to my family, I've not seen them in years. No, not decades...not even close. But I have not seen my mother since November of 2002. Right about now marks 3 years. Oh...I talk to her all the time. Will definitely call her today. But we have not been face to face for a bit now and it's starting to take it's toll.
So go and visit you say?
It's just not that simple. My life never is.
I'm just keeping busy today. Trying not to forget my grandmother; steeling for the call home. Scrapping, cleaning and...yeah. Yeah. So.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Responsibly Unresponsive
9 am and what am I doing? Uhmmm...half of nothing. I have made the decision that today is going to be the day that I will be responsibly unresponsive. Instead of embarrasing a friend by letting her know that she has a dryer sheet hanging out the back pocket of her black slacks, I'm just going to pretend I don't notice. It saves that awkward moment of embarrassment. What she doesn't know won't hurt her right?
Or better yet, when I offer to take someone out to lunch and {s}he gets a bit spendy, I won't say "Yeah, I could have bought you that $20 tattoo if you wouldn't have spent $28 on lunch" Yeah...
These are the life moments that I am so going to miss [censored].
[censored]
No, I also don't know if they will make it full time (uncensored answer: yeah right)
[censored]
[censored]
As for the more general questions:
Yes, it was my decision [censored].
Yes, I'm available for free lunches [censored]
[censored]
[censored]
Yes, I have lost it. But it's fun to be lost.
Time for a list? Maybe later this evening. My I sure am egocentric...or really just enjoy the first person.
Or better yet, when I offer to take someone out to lunch and {s}he gets a bit spendy, I won't say "Yeah, I could have bought you that $20 tattoo if you wouldn't have spent $28 on lunch" Yeah...
These are the life moments that I am so going to miss [censored].
[censored]
No, I also don't know if they will make it full time (uncensored answer: yeah right)
[censored]
[censored]
As for the more general questions:
Yes, it was my decision [censored].
Yes, I'm available for free lunches [censored]
[censored]
[censored]
Yes, I have lost it. But it's fun to be lost.
Time for a list? Maybe later this evening. My I sure am egocentric...or really just enjoy the first person.
Monday, November 21, 2005
This side of careless
So I walked into work this morning. On any given day, oh, about a month ago, if I would have had a non-meeting the likes of the non-meeting I had this morning, I would be ready to bring the wood. But today, I sat back and told myself:
It ain't your business.
How do you just turn the switch off? How do you go from fighting every battle as though the war depended on it to just saying "Okay, that sounds good?"
Today, I let go and it felt GOOD! I merely stated my case without caring whether or not anyone else would care/agree/act upon it. And guess what? It WORKED! If only I would have figured that out a year ago.
Two weeks to go and I about wiped my board clear today in my office. It is kind of eerie not really having anything to do and just waiting...waiting. Tomorrow, [censored].
I remember how I felt after I walked out of my last AKPsi meeting at Cornell back in 2000. I was walking down the hall in Warren Hall and counting the tiny tiles on the floor. It was as if I was trying to remember every last pattern. [censored].
I care, almost too much. But really, when it comes down to it, I'm just this side of careless.
It ain't your business.
How do you just turn the switch off? How do you go from fighting every battle as though the war depended on it to just saying "Okay, that sounds good?"
Today, I let go and it felt GOOD! I merely stated my case without caring whether or not anyone else would care/agree/act upon it. And guess what? It WORKED! If only I would have figured that out a year ago.
Two weeks to go and I about wiped my board clear today in my office. It is kind of eerie not really having anything to do and just waiting...waiting. Tomorrow, [censored].
I remember how I felt after I walked out of my last AKPsi meeting at Cornell back in 2000. I was walking down the hall in Warren Hall and counting the tiny tiles on the floor. It was as if I was trying to remember every last pattern. [censored].
I care, almost too much. But really, when it comes down to it, I'm just this side of careless.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Altogether Too Smart
Is there such a thing as too smart?
Of course not.
But there are those rare people you meet in life that are scary smart. You know, those folks who know a little bit about everything you don't know (but need to know), a bit more about things you have an interest in and they know close to everything about things you are truly passionate about? So okay...there are those kind of smart people.
But when you take that handful of smart people and start weening for those who are actually intelligent--you know, able to apply their smarts? And then you further ween for those who are actually wise--the folks who have experience with smart. Really, there are not that many people in the world.
Not that I am trying to easily categorize/stereotype/set low expectations for folks, but when you select for gender...well, I have mainly met women who fell into this category. So imagine my surprise when I managed to convince a male version of this super subset of humans to actually date me.
My boyfriend is altogether too smart. Everyday he does/says/wonders something new that challenges my assumptions and presumptions and makes me smile. And he's so real. And handy. And funny. And. He is just a whole lot of and.
Really.
The other day I was reading one of my favorite blogs {Altogether Too Happy} and I found myself thinking about all sorts of things that people could be altogether too much of. Lately, I've been telling my boyfriend a lot about how much I appreciate his smarts. But it's really not just his smarts or his intellect; his wisdom or even his intelligence. It is the fact that he is altogether too smart that fascinates me.
Juxtaposition
Why. Three letters. Such a loaded word. Admittedly, I'm likely not in the best of shape to be writing this at this moment and most folks will only have the privilege of glimpsing the very censored version of this. Sorry for you.
Weekends are my favorite. I get to come up to Seattle and hang out with the only person I really feel much like hanging out with lately. I humor him and his addiction to Home Depot and ride the bench to T-town and back so that I don't have to be away from him. Friday night, which seems so long ago, he humored me and my very low intake tolerance levels. I think he's amused by me. I think I'm amused by him too.
He has this gorgeously little mischevious grin. That "You know he's up to no good" grin that he doesn't think I notice. He says I have "that look". No matter, when we made it to MR, we danced, waited, danced some more, had a drink and congratulated the roommate on one more year. He humored me and danced some more and was finally saved by the arrival of the other two.
That turned the night into pimping myself out to get a stupid song played and getting hit on by a very, very drunk girl. Which is always interesting. No, not getting hit on by girls because that doesn't happen always. Rarely as a matter of fact. But interesting watching his reactions to those types of situations.
I think I'm a very trustworthy person. No...not that kind of trust. Well, yeah that too. But I'm talking emotional trust. Which is only really to be expected of us emotionally high maintenance types. I am easy to trust with facts and life through others eyes. But I'm not generally trusted with emotions and life through other people's hearts. I don't really know why that is. Until the bellhop comes for all of our bags though, this is the life we'll all lead...a life with no lead because in juxtaposition, we're really all just functioning without a clue in the world as to "what next".
Weekends are my favorite. I get to come up to Seattle and hang out with the only person I really feel much like hanging out with lately. I humor him and his addiction to Home Depot and ride the bench to T-town and back so that I don't have to be away from him. Friday night, which seems so long ago, he humored me and my very low intake tolerance levels. I think he's amused by me. I think I'm amused by him too.
He has this gorgeously little mischevious grin. That "You know he's up to no good" grin that he doesn't think I notice. He says I have "that look". No matter, when we made it to MR, we danced, waited, danced some more, had a drink and congratulated the roommate on one more year. He humored me and danced some more and was finally saved by the arrival of the other two.
That turned the night into pimping myself out to get a stupid song played and getting hit on by a very, very drunk girl. Which is always interesting. No, not getting hit on by girls because that doesn't happen always. Rarely as a matter of fact. But interesting watching his reactions to those types of situations.
I think I'm a very trustworthy person. No...not that kind of trust. Well, yeah that too. But I'm talking emotional trust. Which is only really to be expected of us emotionally high maintenance types. I am easy to trust with facts and life through others eyes. But I'm not generally trusted with emotions and life through other people's hearts. I don't really know why that is. Until the bellhop comes for all of our bags though, this is the life we'll all lead...a life with no lead because in juxtaposition, we're really all just functioning without a clue in the world as to "what next".
Friday, November 18, 2005
Awake
Why am I up? It is 6:30 in the morning and this is highly inappropriate. You see...I work a cushy job and don't have to be at work until 9. And that's early. I only have to be there to present a thank you note to our speaker. Fun times.
What does one do at 6:30 in the morning? Well I typically roll over in bed and sleep for another 3 hours. Today, I'll contemplate life.
Okay...done.
Another list. No, I have not finished the first list, but I enjoy a challenge:
What does one do at 6:30 in the morning? Well I typically roll over in bed and sleep for another 3 hours. Today, I'll contemplate life.
Okay...done.
Another list. No, I have not finished the first list, but I enjoy a challenge:
- Go to work (c)
- Really...find that magazine
- Crosss off half the items on the "work" list
- Type some minutes
- Read some blogs (c)
- Take some pictures
- Bribe someone (c)
- Pay up on a bet (c)
- Get a payday clue (c)
- Build a pool (c)
check
Ellusive. I suppose shopping at BN is turning into a Liquidation World experience--"buy it today because it may not be here tomorrow."
Really. How hard is it to just come up off it and copy some files...pack some boxes...delete some emails. T-minus two weeks and counting until I'm down and out.
So the meeting was about two months ago. I told them I was so the wrong choice for secretary. I think I need to transition into local service instead of national boards. Or at least instead of a national board that I feel I am not being very useful on.
check
About a month...of Sundays? That's about how long it has been since I fired some shots. I need inspiration to go out and snap some pictures--particularly those kind that you can bribe others with.
check, sort of
check
check
Nap time. I have another two hours before I have to get up.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
I have arrived
Plop. I'm here.
Well, I've been "here" for quite a while but now I am "here". Where to begin? Why the title for my blog? What will I write about? Why am I writing a full entry on what I'm going to write about instead of just writing? I know...a list. Lists are fun. Here is what I need to do since I've quit my job, found lots of time to procrastinate and now really just want to do something else. Anything else.
In no particular order:
Well, I've been "here" for quite a while but now I am "here". Where to begin? Why the title for my blog? What will I write about? Why am I writing a full entry on what I'm going to write about instead of just writing? I know...a list. Lists are fun. Here is what I need to do since I've quit my job, found lots of time to procrastinate and now really just want to do something else. Anything else.
In no particular order:
- Create something
- Submit something
- Find an apartment
- Talk to him
- Get that magazine
- Translate that spreadsheet into a database
- Delete those emails
- Cook some dinner
- Annoy someone
- Enjoy someone else
So, if I go careening down I-5 (no, it is NOT "the 5") day after tomorrow on my way to Seattle, guess hell went with no after all.
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