Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Oh and in a week... What a week it has been. It was the best of times and the worst of times.

So when I left off here, last Tuesday, I had no idea how much could be crammed into one weekend when you date a crazy guy like Robert.

Thursday, I got into work (an hour after him of course cause he works in Corporate America, I work in higher education...administration at of automatic raises not at all based on merit. Not complaining...not complaining). I had a phone message and an email with an urgency to his voice. I needed to call. Quick.

I called. He confirmed that I had no plans for the weekend. Then told me that now I did. He needed some time to work it out. Few hours later, we have this:

"We're going to Napa this weekend".

Now, I've never been. And I've wanted to go specifically with him cause he's from the Bay Area (well, he spent his adult life there aside from his stint in PA for grad school and the time he's been here in SEA now) and I love going to people's places and having them show me their space through their eyes. Love it. And that was what this trip was. So the plan was to arrive in San Jose, see his friend's parents, go to his fave Mexican food place, visit Cal State Hayward/East Bay (whatever they want to call it nowadays...he was student body prez when he was there so walking the campus with him was totally fun--the whole "I remember this and WOW, look how this turned out...etc.), stay in Oakland. Get up early the next day, drive down to do the 17 mile drive with a Pebble Beach stop...which was totally cool--friggin seeing it in person...and I'm not even a golfer but about the only time I ever watched golf on tv it was watching Tiger Woods play way back in the day when he won at Pebble Beach...thinking wow he's amazing and I'd be pretty amazing at golf too if I got to golf at a place like that. Not really...but I DID indeed think that. Grab a quick lunch and eat it on the beach, go back to our hotel (in Monterey that night) for a quick hour nap, get out to take sunset pics and then get back in time for the barbeque at our hotel. Call it an early night, wake up early and go to Napa. Visit 3 of his fave wineries and make it to Santa Clara to check in, shower up and then go to dinner in San Fran. Bed early again so I could wake up early enough for the flight back in time for work.

Best laid plans went wrong at about nap time. Which figures, because I am a staunch believer that adults are not to take naps on any day but Sunday. Half an hour into the nap, my poor better half work up my worse half. You know my philosophy...if I see it, hear it or smell it...

Well...half an hour into the nap, he was doing it. And over and over again. I wasn't disgusted, I was scared to death. I had no idea what was going on. He had food poisoning before and tries to tell me it was worse than this time, but I was so scared I tried calling his insurance folks. yeah...kept getting dumped back to the switchboard. Finally just asked to speak to a counselor (since the reps were busy and the med RNs were evidently on break) and they were like "ma'am, he's not home and there is no urgent care there so if it is that bad, call 911."

Which I did. And he freaked. Was all "I don't need to go anywhere!" Fine. Okay, but I'm scared. You've been going at this for 3 hours now and I don't see an end to it. Before I let you die of this, I'm calling for help.

He didn't go to the hospital. We stayed up all night and I saw the worst of me. there he was, totally helpless, not on his deathbed, sure enough, but still, totally reaching out to me for help and through my own weakness, I couldn't...wouldn't help him. So scared to see something that I thought would make me sick that when I finally did steel myself and say "You have to do this for him" I still turned away. I was so disgusted with myself. Absolutely. Because here he is totally down and out and he's apologizing to ME for ruining my weekend. The absolutely amazing weekend he planned. That is just as ruined, if not moreso for him. And I'm such a coward I can't even help him. It turns my stomach to think of it because we had just had a long discussion about my lack of failure in life. Not like I've never not gotten something right, but for the most part, everything I try, I do well at. Ironically enough, I thought to myself, he would witness my biggest failure of all...great.

Selfishly, I continued to think that not only had I let him down, but started doubting myself really. I mean, I totally want to have kids. but what if...check that. what about WHEN they get sick? I always thought it would just kick in--when you love someone that much, you just kick in and do it. It didn't happen this weekend. And I'm scared. Or maybe reading too much into it. As he was when he this morning thought he had Botulism. My poor baby...he can barely walk and he's freaked out. I gotta find a way to make him better. At least he can play Xbox now...and he's calling out for the B's and trying to clean and go to the store. So surely he's getting better no? I mean, at the store, he was even able to do the whole "We're doing good" cheerful routine for the checker. That guy is such a trooper.

Ironically (again) enough, before we left for the trip he was like "this will be a mini prelude to our April trip" He meant the constant on the go aspect of it. Not the getting sick part. I had to tell him that for all the crap of this weekend what I learned was that I am so totally not ready for our April trip. I've no idea how I would even call for help in China. I literally don't even know what numbers to dial. And he was the one sick this time--this is the guy who almost sliced off his thumb (and made himself almost half human...another story for another time) who wouldn't cancel our WA winery tour date almost two years ago because he had a friend who was in med school who could come over and stitch him up and he would be fine. Tetanus shot? Yeah...we'll take care of that later.

Just imagine if Ms. "I can't handle any pain" (which is another reason I'm kinda scared to have kids...perhaps yet another post for another time) was the one who was ailing. Oh God. Help me please. Gulp.

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