Sunday, February 08, 2009

The Best 2009 Grammy Commentary Post ever

***DISCLAIMER*** I have since learned lots of new info since creating this last night. I was going to fine tune spelling and research people I had no clue about, but I DO have a life so I'm just going to post this as is.

Dive in, have fun.

Okay. I'm on the west coast. And I have tivo. So to be able to skip commercials, here I sit at 9:45 pm starting to watch this hot mess of a show.

So we start off with U2. honestly. I'm not a fan. Have never been. Not a hata, but I actually had to say to the paler member of this twosome "You know...I'm just not a fan of u2" to which he replied "well, yeah, not this crap."

Performance one: u2. Crap. Visually interesting and I knew the words and so did Bono because they were on a gigantor screen for us all to sing along. but they've done better. And we all know I'm all about the dance, not the special effects. unless you mix special effects with dance like Usher did that one year at the BET Music Awards. I'm just saying.

Then out of the blue, Whitney "I don't do crack, that's lowclass" (or something vaguely similar to that) came out and proved to the world that she really was on something to marry who she did. And that something was good enough to toke, I mean, tote along to the Grammys tonight.

Now. You know you have a damn good chance of winning your category Ms. - I Stopped By the Restaurant and Forgot I Was Supposed to be at the Grammys Tonight But Since I Had That Role of Duct Tape in the Car and This Handy Napkin From the Table, We're Good to Go - Hudson when everyone in the audience is like "What? I didn't know they had an album out this year...". And as usual. I was right.

Then they brought out the Rock. Who goes by like his mama's birth name now. And is still really not funny. But not as painfully unfunny as JT. Well, unless you're talking about the suit he had on. It is the Grammy's I guess. Who had to prove to everyone how not black he was yet again in a collabo with Al Green...and Boyz II Men. Except no one knew Boyz II Men was part of this collabo (including one of the dudes...I'll have to research that...there were only 3 of them...where the 4th dude go?)

Performance 2: Justin Timberlake, Shake a hip but don't break it Al Green and Boyz II Men minus one of the Boyz. It was okay. Not whoa. Not a hot mess. I might have sold my JT tickets if I had seen that performance before going to his concert. Luckily, he was worth the drive to Tacoma.

Simon Baker beer goggles don't make YOU look better. And I thought you were kinda cute in the Mentalist.

Coldplay. Who I actually like. Ever since I thought I saw an Obama patch during a Saturday Night Live performance last fall. And tonight, Jay Z did a cameo now I LOVE Coldplay. Even though they are British. Not that I have a thing against Brits. But I did just watch a back episode of wifeswap and there was a BASTARD of an angry european on. Yes, lowercase. Because he was that much of a meanie. No matter...still loving Coldplay.

Performance 3: SCORE! Coldplay and JayZ, good vibes, people loving what they do. I love it too.

Performance 4: Carrie Underwood. WHAT is she wearing? How do you take such a cute girl and make her look so...well...uncute? Her mic is blinged up and is about the cutest thing on that stage right now. Unless Whitney is nearby...she had some cute earrings on. And, aside from the boob piercing top half, was rocking that little thigh slit in her dress. She did leave a bit more to the imagination than boyshort and flesh colored sheers (duct tape must be the theme tonight), taped up Underwood. Anyhow.

Sheryl Crow--I miss her...LeAnne Rhymes too. Country music award. And it is going to be sad that I know more of these songs than I did the R&B folks. I actually dig Rascal Flats. Sugarland a bit too. No clue who the rest of them folks were. Which is good that Sugarland won. For Stay. And they look pretty excited and shocked which is just too cute. And mom was her date. So country...I love it...think she digs Paul McCartney.

Estelle and Kanye are coming up. Lil Wayne and TI too. And JT is coming back again. Imagine that.

Really...performance video My Grammy Moment to KP's I kissed a Girl? Really. Okay...this show is more than a hot mess.

Coldplay is coming to the Gorge! July 11...I totally need to do that. Except the Gorge is out there. And I don't drive back (sleep is good). So we'll have to see.

Duffy and Al G are presenting together. I'm a symetry girl. So Duffy's one shoulder, half boobie hanging out dress is distracting me. There seem to be a lot of British people at this awards show.

Song of the Year--lots of good songs in there. Lots of Brits. Coldplay won for Viva la Vida. I really like this song. As I mentioned...enough to drive to the Gorge to see it. I'm thinking they're going to win Album of the Year. That's 2 for 2 so far tonight.

Kid Rock is nominated tonight? Clearly I don't like music nearly as much as I proclaim to.

Performance 5: Kid Rock. I miss the little guy. Everyone has a message tonight don't they? Interesting message from KR though...white guilt and Iraq flags in the background. Full of Amens. Long as the elbows are not flying, I suppose we're all safe. Folks seem entertained. Another okay performance. Still looking for whoa. I'd probably put it up there top 3...of 5. Not bad. Not good, but not bad.

Performance 6: Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus together. Taylor is pretty...fresh, innocent...great voice for it too. All I can think of Miley is Fly on the Wall and my feet are killing me. Standing in line for one last ride at Disney on New Year's Eve, she was blaring out of the loud speakers. Not in person (it was a DJ) but still, I'm so not feeling her voice. Not for this soft performance. I give her the kid rocker title of the year. But Taylor should have done this one on her own. Song in and of itself rescued the performance. Miley lovers, I'm sorry, but she was about the only neg to this performance.

Pop Collabo Award: WTF?!

Robert Plant Alison Krauss?? WTF?? Really...the ONLY set that I was like "who are they" and they win it? Over: Alicia Keys and John Mayer; Madonna, JT, Timbaland; Rihanna, Maroon 5;

Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown (so old, my FAVE song in the world though). Really. That induced some silence.

Performance 7: Jennifer Hudson, hope she took off the napkin. She's a pretty girl. Not a size 2, with some tatas so she is a fave of mine. But those earrings...girl...those earrings. Gorgeous voice, no need to blind us with her entrance. She still needs to work the stage presence bit...unless she wants to be Miss America someday. Problems with her earpiece? she was fiddlin' with it some and still belted the HELL out of this song. I can't even imagine...I think of her nephew...I'm getting tear eyed so I'ma stop. And she just started crying on stage too and got a standing ovation. I just got tears. My fave moment of the evening so far.

Performance 8: Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder on the boards (the latter with the record for the most performances at the Grammys--that is cool). Nice 5 piece brass band on stage. And Stevie belted it too. Nice energy. Admittedly, I don't know the words. Psyche. Who doesn't know the words to Very Superstitious? Bit less energy for this song, but I was jammin'.

Is it just me or are these sets just going a tad too long? When I WANT them to be longer collabo sets, they never are. I ended up fast forwarding the end of the Kid Rock set. Almost did the same for Al Green and had an itch to do so for Jonas Brothers.

Blink 182 going to do it again eh?

Rock Album:

Coldplay going to go 3 for 3? Yep.

I like them, it necessary to give the same album/record five billion awards at the same show? who knows...they're going to run out of stuff to say before the night is over. Who wouldn't though?

Got bored with all the Brits so they threw in a Scott to announce Katy Perry.

Performance 9: okay. Cocacabana phalic banana Katy Perry wearing the ice skating outfit with crappy choreography. She is totally NOT a dancer. Or a singer really for that matter. We can finally stop making fun of Britney I guess. Talk about marking your steps and stage stare. Oh my goodness. Is this a joke? The audience shot AFTER the performance summed it ALL UP. WTF?

Performance 10: Kanye will bring it back. With Estelle. She lipsyncing that? HE lypsyncing? Again?? really come on. And I liked that song. Nothing special performance wise.

Best new artist. To Adele. Is this the friggin' British Grammys? I missed that memo. My fave was Jazmine Sullivan (Lauryn Hill reincarnated).

Tempted to fastforward to the hip hop collabo. But this Morgan Freeman I spy? Talk about swagga like us. And he's tight with Kenny Chesney. Who knew. But then who knew that MF had a little something on the side. Stranger things have happened.

Performance 11: Kenny Chesney. I'm Texan. I get a free pass. I fastforwarded. I've got a bedtime to get to. Sorry.

Sean P. Combs walked out chained up Natalie Cole. She's still alive? I guess if you stay locked in the basement, you might also still be alive. She's still gorgeous...even in that hideous outfit.

Record of the Year:

Adele, Coldplay, Leona Lewis (Beyonce rehash), MIA, Robert Plant and Alison Krause

Coldplay did NOT win all 7 this year because Robert and Alison pulled out yet another WTF award. They don't even know who is going to talk. "Good things happen out of nowhere." says TBone. No kidding. Sean in fly purple is standing back there thinking "You think??"

Queen Latifah looking cute. Sexy fine. Cute earrings in their own crazy way. Looking royal in purple.

Performance 12: Swagga Like Us - MIA (preggers and cute is THAT?!) Black and white and what is she wearing? The black and white is actually kinda cool. Kanye, TI, Jay Z, Lil Wayne. Honestly, I love this song. And play it way too much probably for my neighbors. Love the beat. The message, probably not the best. And Hova gets better with age. His woman with that Diva song...I thought she was beyond those crazy kinds of songs. But I digress. First time I saw Lil Wayne, I was like "really?" That's what he looks like? Now that I don't watch BET (or MTV since really, the latter doesn't play music videos anymore), I don't know what any of these people look like. Now we have color. The black and white was getting a bit annoying. Is this the first obviously pregnant Grammy performance? She was due to pop today. Holy crazy. Sometimes I wish I lived in LA.

Performance 13: another Brit. imagine that. I want to say that they have like the Caribbean Grammys and I KNOW they have the Latin Grammys. Maybe. Just an idea. Maybe. We need an American Grammys. Oh come on I'm kidding. Relax. Paul McCartney. Sir. Everyone loves him. I admire longevity. And that was good. He's popular for a reason and standing ovation...deserved. I could leap for that bandwagon.

Male Pop Vocal: John Mayer. I love that song! Say. Beautiful. Gotta feel good in that company to win that. The first (that I recall) real "thank you" speech. Someone who actually expected he had a real chance to win.

LL Cool J and some dude I don't know and couldn't/was too tired to properly google introduced the next performance. NOT funny when your co-presenter has to clarify for the confused folks that when you scream out "Farmer's Boulevard" (not Cool James, the other dude) that that is a reference to Queens. I mean...half the folks watching are from the heartland (aka, NOT NYC) and the other half are from somewhere in England. Nice to have a clear understanding of who your audience is.

Performance 14: Sugarland and Adele together. Tempted, but because I'm multitasking and the song is pretty (Stay), I'll leave it. She has a great voice. Fluffy flyaway hair, but still. And now Adele. More lack of stage presence Adele - to the point that she's almost like "who the hell are these other people on stage with me?" But an onstage string section. Reminds me of my string bass playing nephew. And brings a tear to my eye because of the song so...she's forgiven for the lackluster performance. Sugarland takes this one. Even on Adele's song.

Gwenyth is way too skinny. And too pale for off black pantyhose. And a discoball dress. I don't get it. I DID love Perfect Murder though.

Performance 15: USC Trojan Marching Band (at least the percussion section and some brass) and Radio Head. Okay. I'm not cool. we know this. And I was a band geek. Yes, head drum major in Texas band geek. And it is different. And probably fun for them. But I'm so not feeling it. Like I said, I'm not cool like that. Which means they will win album of the year. Automatic.

Sam Shaft intro really? Collabo award. "Am I right people? Damn right I'm right". I love him. Watch Lakeview Terrace. That was quite a movie. He didn't have any man love for his neighbor in that movie.

Performance 16: JT and TI. I admittedly love this song. And JT. And TI. And this song is powerful. Love this unplugged version with JT at the piano, strings in the back. Mics of course are not unplugged, but you get my point. And yes. The Justin Timberlake concert was one of the best I've been too. Musicians, dancers and all. This performance, they have street drummers on the stairs. Love that touch. This is my fave performance of the night. Cut to Hova...what's he thinking? Yeah right punk. Just saying...

Yes we can political speeching on the academy and copyright protection (traditional radio...uhhmm...who listens to "traditional radio" anymore?) and Music Cares foundation and a Secretary of the arts cabinet position proposition. Really? Okay...change, yes we can, Grammy winner in the White House...sure that wasn't planned.

Performance 17: Four Tops Grammy Lifetime achievement award (there have been others, but, this one is obviously significant). Jaime Fox, Ne Yo, last remaining survivor and presenter do Reach Out/I can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch). Bernadette! Yes. I've heard the song. No. I seriously doubt that a song out when my mom was 9 inspired the name of her first child. Just saying. Another good performance. Everyone kept up with each was totally cute.

Performance 18: Neil Diamond performing Swwet Caroline. Sorry. This is what tivo is for. This is where Robert rails against the financial woes of the music industry. The comment was "Are we really so hard up for new stuff that we're digging up every dead song now?" This is always a fun conversation about how Clear Channel is going down without a government bailout and the music industry business model being dead. And then there is the merger coming between TicketMaster and LiveNation. lovely. $290 concert tickets for everyone. Here's to Apple and 79 cent downloads. Totally holding on to my gift cards. I can wait. I download mostly dead songs anyhow. Mostly.

Performance 19: Collabo in keeping with the theme of the night. Jam session really. In memoriam of the folks who have passed so a Bo Diddly song. Tech issues? No intro of who was who. Dead tired to look it up.

Performance 20: Tribute to New Orleans (Lil Wayne), Alan Toussant (on piano) and Robin Thicke. First heard this song on NPR. Yes. NPR. Some strong images of New Orleans/Katrina. Like the collaboration. The words are touching. Like this one too...because I LOVE this song. The images are crazy powerful. Great New Orleans flair with Toussant.

Best Rap Album: Lil Wayne. Another of those where it's like "must feel good in the context of all those names". and he brought his whole family up (including mama and kids).

Hova...and that wasn't Beyonce next to him. And Nas is back? One Mic. All I gotta say.

Performance 21: Robert and Alison. Tivo is handy. I'm sorry. I'm a horrible reviewer. Or non-reviewer. Which is too bad because you know...

Green day looking kinda uhm. Final Grammy presenter for Album of the year.

They've won every other award tonight with a WTF so why not this one too?

Robert and Alison with everyone basically muttering in the audience WTF? I think I might actually hear some boos. Or maybe that is just everyone clearing out. The murmer won't die down. I saw a special on this collaboration. On like Frontline or something. Robert is like "In the old days, they would have called this selling out."

Today too. And the music industry wonders why they're dead on arrival.

Or is that too harsh?

Performance 22: Stevie Wonder takes it out.

We discuss why new, innovative wonders who sell songs (not albums) don't go all out because of the music industries garage sale of late. When is the last time you saw the Grammys go to anyone who hasn't redone something they first did 20 years ago? I'm just saying.

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