Domestic Diva?

Get out of here...no way. I mean truly...just because you whip up a tasty something or another every now and again does NOT make you a domestic diva. But if you can make some stuffed portobella mushrooms and rice pilaf (and of course perfectly steam some asparagus) unlike the likes of any other, wouldn't it be close? Maybe if the laundry were done, the beds were made and the dishes were washed. I really shouldn't kid myself because when it all comes down to it, I play house with the best of them, but if I really had to REALLY go to work all day and then come home and do all of this, I probably wouldn't be able to do it. I envy those who can "do it all" but I know my limits. That all being said. I LOVE to cook. Love it. Now I don't typically just walk up in the fridge and start throwing stuff together. I mean, I have a pretty good memory (right down to measurements) of how to do something once I've made it often enough. And my sister got all the gifts of being able to whip a pie togethe (including the crust) from scratch with no notes. But me...I love to look up recipes--in books, online, where ever they may be. And I'll alter the recipes because really, when I make seafood gumbo, I prefer scallops to white fish fillets and I don't need chicken if I already have turkey sausage. I digress.

So I went shopping a week and a half ago. Got enough food for two weeks of meals. With leftovers, plenty for lunches too. He likes that I love to cook. I love that he likes to do the boy stuff--take care of the car, drive me to work in the super slick snowy hills of West Seattle. Together, we make a pretty good team so I feed him stuff like this--stuffed portabello mushrooms. Tonight...perhaps mustard roasted, goat cheese stuffed chicken breasts with rosemary potatoes. And some broccoli on the side. Love it. Just really enjoy taking out a bunch of ingredients, tossing them together and coming up with some really yummy flavors.

1:24 left in the game. Tied. Seahawks have the ball...time to score a field goal...that would be something wouldn't it? Really...we just need to NOT turn it over (which is saying a lot)...

So as I was saying...

Remember the pics that wouldn't post? Guess that was all a ploy to get me to switch to the new blogger. Fine then. Anything for blogger.

I was saying though...our April trip to China...(Tibet and Nepal). The pictures are amazing. Absolutely amazing. The color, the air is thinner, more full of vibrant life. I'm a tad bit worried about food because I'm sorta a vegetarian. Sorta. It's all a texture thing. So I am pretty sure I won't be eating meat out there but I'm also a bit adventurous so who knows...not everyday you get to try yak meat you know?

Here was the South Africa photo collage. I mean really...we had to decide if we wanted to do Tibet or South Africa this year. I think only because I came so close to going to SA did that really and truly even become an option worth almost doing. But now, it is time to start doing my research. On the South Africa trip, we're looking to do something a bit more service oriented--and throw in a safari while there. No not that kind of shooting safari, but a photo shooting safari.

wow

did i say wow yet?

oh yeah

wow

Back to real life and watching the Seahawks who are (remarkably) WINNING in the 4th against the bears. But only by 3 which makes this very likely not going to be a win. I need to go and get ready because we're going out to watch the San Diego game. Not so sure why (because it is supposed to be a good game) but there are a couple of rooms here filling up with stuff. And I purged so much...including a toaster. Which is something that I probably should have kept. Less toast and less peanut butter on said toast is probably a good idea.

Go Seahawks! Go Seahawks! Go Seahawks! Make me feel better about being a Cowboys fan!

Chinese...officially

Sometimes, I swear to God I hate blogger. Then I remember who I am. And I apologize to God. And I try to remember what I typed. I realize that my wit is fleeting and I just move on to recap.

Short of the story is such:

Ticket from Seattle to Beijing. Check

Ticket from Delhi to Seattle (via Houston). Check

And today…(gulp!!) driver/guide for trip, time to book it. Which means that we’re also going to have the ticket from Kathmandu to Delhi taken care of, the train tickets from Beijing to Lassa purchased and the trip of a lifetime will be on. I think that makes us officially “Chinese tourists”…with Tibet and Nepal guides thrown in for good measure (smile). Wow. Wow!

Never in all my life did I EVER think I would be going to Everest Base Camp. Aside from being disbelieving and totally scared to death, I’m also so psyched for all of the amazing pictures we’re going to get. Pictures like these:

Okay...I give up.

Pretend you can view really neat collage that took me all night to make.

here

Everyday I read essays from kids half my age going to all sorts of really neat places. Neat places I never dreamed I would ever go. I mean yeah, when I was little I was sure I would go to Africa at some point in my life. And it was crushing when that slipped through my hands last year. And it was so crushing when I thought this trip might slip through our hands this year. But through all the disappointments, life goes on and when it all boils down to it, I have a pretty amazing life. Absolutely amazing!

So, this deserves a list. Perhaps a list in pictures. Of the top ten places I absolutely want to visit before I die. Probably before I retire. Maybe even within the next ten years. Yeah, because next year this time, I’ll be writing about the amazing South Africa trip I’m about to take. Let’s mark those words.

Top Ten Places I want to visit

(sooner rather than later)

And here...this is where a really neat South Africa Collage would be.

You'll have to take my word on that too.

here

South Africa/Mozambique
(1)

Scotland
(2)

Alaska Iditarod
(3)

Antarctica/South Pole
(4)

Middle East
Gaza Strip
(5)

Egypt
(6)

Italy

(7)

Russia/Ukraine/Romania
(8)

Nova Scotia
(9)

New England, U.S.
*fall foliage season*
(10)

Oh goodness...

Oh goodness. Yep, that about sums it up. Totally swamped at work with reading. Totally swamped at home with packing. Totally have things I'd rather be doing (scrapping with my kit, back to my artists salons, taking pictures...seeing eagles...curling up with him).

So anyhow. And then what. Then she said...okay.

I kinda like being this domestic diva. Cleaning the house. Cooking dinner. Going to work. Going to meetings with truly inspirational women. Going out tomorrow night to a gallery show. Staying in night after and bbq'ing as we watch pitiful Bernadette's tem number 1 take on pitiful Bernadette's team number 2. But all that is great but still not enough.

My word for the year (scrappers shall know what I'm talking about) is:

now.

Imagine that (smile). Which means I have to go and purchase something real quick. And I finally got my lovely gift for the bf. Now if his santa gift to himself would come, we would have a nice little happy home. Back to finish dinner.

Home

Ahhh...it feels so good to really be home. Not, "in house" house that looks like it should be in some design magazine, but actually home--with love.

So now I officially stay over there. I have a month to get my stuff transitioned and it is actually going okay. Got the bathroom and kitchen moved (impt things first) and have good chunks of the scrap room packed up. Speaking of which, with that whole moving sale, I've shipped off 4 large boxes and 2 small ones. Come Saturday, we'll go to week 2 prices and week 2 selection. Once I get it half together, I'll post pics of what the lucky first 4 got.

Other than that, just going to read like the Dicken's today--50 files during the day and 50 more tomorrow.

NYE was great! Went to Kianna Lodge and had some fantastic salmon (which is saying a lot cause I'm not much of a fan) in a great setting with a great guy. Had a little too much fun (smile), but that's why I love him. Sappiness over.

Well it's a rainy Seattle day (love it!) and I get to work out tonight and get lots done tomorrow. Resolution time!

and the moving goes

So I need to post pictures because my place is a hot ass mess. Pardon the french.

Really...all is well in the bathroom and kitchen which I need to finish moving over here today. The living room is about all bundled up and the dining room really just has lots of stuff in it now for obvious reasons. But the scrap room. My word I have a lot of stuff I just don't need. Don't use. So what to do with it? Sell it of course.

Here's the deal. I am making up scrapbook supply grab bags. At your post office, there are two sizes of "one price Priority Mail" boxes. One is more squareish, the other more traditional rectangle. I have twelve of the traditional and 5 of the smaller squarish ones.

You will pay for shipping ($10 for the first "grab bag", $8.10 for each additional). The prices of the boxes are as such:

Week 1: large = $30 small = $20
Week 2: large = $25 small = $15
Week 3: large - $15 small = $10

Here's how it works. Starting today, you can email me with the size you want. I will cram it full of my stuff that I have horded for the past year. Paper, embellishments, rub ons, stickers, tools, altering stuff, stamping stuff, stamps...you name it there will probably be some of it in the box. You cannot specificy what you want (I have to be out by Jan 31) and you will probably get some items in your box you don't care for. But at these prices, you're just about guaranteed to get something you DO care for at a great price.

You can check my scrap style at www.twopeasinabucket.com my name is Imanisasa.

There will be some repackaged product, plenty of new unopened product.

The pricing structure is so that if you really want something good, you should order in week one. As the weeks go on, I'll start packing whatever I have left into the last boxes. Still good selection, but not as much to pull from--kinda like the clearance going out of business sales at stores--get in early, get what you want but not as much of a discount.

All said, each box is guaranteed to have at least twice as much retail value as you pay, most will have 4 times the value.

Email me at henderso@seattleu.edu to claim your box and work payment details!

And Day one...

...of the great shift. Back from Palm Springs and had a pretty good time.

On the way back, bf saw someone he used to work with--which was totally cool watching him chat it up. I think way more than me, he just definitely needs to be around people. Saw that a bunch this past very long weekend in Palm Springs. Get him in front of people and it is just...wow. He's so the networker (smile).

Got to fly back first class. That happens when you hit the plane on Christmas evening I suppose (smile).

Now back home and contemplating. Because see...I ordered a gift for him that didn't show up until just now. Except I think it is the wrong one. Wrong by a couple of numbers which in bf geek world can be major. So I'll wrap it up for him and let him know that if it is that big of a difference, I'll return it and get the right one. Talk about getting click happy at work.

Anyhow...time to get home and start packing and shipping and labeling. I'm so totally excited about this shift. Sad to lose the beach house. But totally excited to gain just that much more in our relationship. Scared out of my mind, but totally going to do everything in my power to make it work. Fun knowing I have someone else as committed to that as I am.

Well...lunch downtown today and some shopping the after Christmas sales. I need to pick up the dinner cruise tickets and reaffirm when we're going to the symphony. You know, aside from getting to move in with the bf, what my best Christmas gift was?

It was getting to tell my adorable nephew. He was so totally excited! He loves him some Robert! I was remembering that because when I was telling him my Christmas gifts, he was telling me that he would LOVE to go to the symphony with us and on the dinner boat. He's the oddest 9 year old I know. Odd in such a good, cute, adorable way!

Packing time...or at least just getting home to change or something.

B

Moving Sale!

Well...short post because I just got power back at home and I'm at work with no walls:

Yes, I now have power.
Yep, I had a fantastic time out at the Christmas Lighting Festival in Leavenworth.
Yes, I'm about to leave for sunny southern California
Yep, have my ticket to China.
Yep, have lots of my layers for Nepal.

And yeppers...I'm moVing! Totally exciting and definitely deserves a post of it's own. It will happen...maybe Christmas.

But for now know that a moving sale unlike the likes of any others will happen. Soon. Lots of scrap stuff, lots of random stuff...lots of stuff!

Till then, Merry Christmas and more for all the wonderful holidays this magical season!

Non-Essential Workers at Work

Okay...face it. I am not essential. No where near it. But I came to work.

I gaped at the power lines twitching with the trees laid across them.

I waited half an hour before figuring out that my electric trolly bus wasn't coming up the hill.

I even paid to take a damn cab for the pleasure of eating a nastly McDonald's McGriddle sandwich as the homage to those who made the trek in today.

And now...I blog.

Because here, I have not only electricity, but internet and (most importantly given my condition--yeah THAT condition...you know, the one where I absolutely HATE being cold) HEAT!

I might have to go and "borrow" Whit's little space heater for the day. Or just get up and go shopping. I have no car so I'd really have to hoof it. My better half is picking me up so that we can head on out to Leavenworth for the Winter Lights Festival and then eagle watching. Good thing that we have the means to say "no power here? okay...let us just take a trip."

Monday. Monday?! How in the hell do you tell people that they most likely won't have power until Monday with a straight face right as a cold front is coming in.

I think maybe God doesn't so much like Washington state anymore.

Just a hunch.

You just never know...

...when your boss is going to call you in to a closed door meeting to tell you that you, pretty much, have Wednesday and Thursday off next week (more professional development)

...when you'll feel the mojo and want to stay at work to just get it done--and ENJOY IT!

...when you'll feel the other mojo and want to get home and create like crazy.

...when plans will change.

...when opportunities may present themselves in strange ways.

...when friends will come out of the blue.

...when it will be a sunny winter day in Seattle

...when I'll stop this insane list already.

Okay...time to stop procrastinating.

Would have, Could have, Should have

Oh how a week can change your life. For the better when you sit and think, but for the worse when you just let it wash over you.

All that contemplation last weekend? The worse of it is that it ain't going to happen. Which is sad, but passable. The best of it is that we really got to sit and talk about what works and what doesn't and what we are really dreaming about. And the best of it all when it was said and done? Was that I know and he knows. We know. That we're here for each other through it all. And that is the best feeling in the world. Knowing that you're down for someone who is down for you.

Cryptic...so let's just move to could have:

Could have been a very bad day yesterday. But I have a great boss who is such a duck--everything is water off her back. She gets a look and you know she's like "get real". But you start to talk and she cares. Really, genuinely cares. And can never stay mad for long. Even though I should have asked her first and THEN acted, it all worked out well because we have...


....wait for it...







....a bit longer...






...okay. Sit down. Breath.






we have BOUGHT OUR TICKETS! We're going to China! Just finally found a good deal on the tickets to Beijing. To celebrate (well, really, to look for the tickets back from Kathmandu) we're going out for dim sum. Yummmy! I'll take pictures. If only I could remember where I stashed my camera.

I still cannot believe that I'm going on this trip of a lifetime. Everest Base Camp. Wow!
If you have not been watching it (which, probably not because only folks going there probably really care), there is a great show on Discovery called, well, Everest. It tracks the progress of an expedition going up the hill. Last week, it showed how incredibly crazy this world is. Most of the folks they are following are American. They of course interact with other country's climbers. well in the last show, a couple of the Americans--the stronger climbers they have been profiling--were making their way up Everest and got backlogged behind folks who just were not climbers. And it got me to thinking...well, this and another documentary where they were telling a woman that for the right amount of money, you can be strapped on someone's back and drug up the mountain. But it got me to thinking that yeah, one day I COULD hit the top. But if I were not fit and experienced and mentally capacitated (not INcapacitated) to enjoy it, what would be the point?

Right. So last week, the team almost ran out of oxygen getting down the summit. They send the other group of climbers up next week so I'm thinking all ends well, but we shall see.

And while we're talking about tv...how about them blondes? Buh by! And to Jonathan Mr. Wannabe Survivor? yeah, see ya. Mean, but I believe there is karma and justice in this world and between the blondes who "hi I'm sexy and will screw everyone else to get my way" and Jonathan "It's just a game and I'm 'strategizing' like the best of them by sticking everyone in the back"...karma. Karma. Karma. And now my computer will crash for typing this vile trash...now THAT would be some Karma. Venting over.

Almost Older, Good Sunday morn...I mean afternoon!

So it is Sunday at the homestead. Love this.

Tomorrow, I turn almost 30. Wow. I can't believe I've been here just about three decades! Wow. Dinner with the coolest person I know. Already have my bday gift—that would be the amazing camera I’ve been taking all these cool pictures with!

So today, I am going to enjoy the really, if you stretch it, closer to 25 years old days. Okay...probably won't do that for too long.

This weekend, I went all the way "out there" to find "that" and of course, they didn't have it. I really contemplated writing a letter about removing folks from your list of distributors if every time I go there (ahem...once) they don't have anything. And they don't look like they ever will. Alas. I was the one who waited and didn't call before hopping in the car and going so instead I just went next door to Ross. Where I scored these absolutely amazing stationary sets. Really simple professional and amazing. I think I collect way too much stationary, but it did get me back thinking of "what if".

Lots of that contemplation going on this weekend. Lots of that. Change is good right? Or do you just let it go?

No matter.

So, I know what we're doing for New Year's Eve. Only because I think my better half from time to time checks in here, I won't post it just yet. Also just scored part of his Christmas gift. He's gonna love it. Of course, when someone puts something on your list, it is pretty much a given they'll love it. Pretty much. Especially when they make lists with links to where you can specifically buy stuff. Easy I know. But everyone's happy and not stressed. That is a good thing.

Speaking of stressed. We finally went out and got this:

We rented it. From here.

Totally cool. You pay like $20--$10 is a “deposit” that you get back in store credit when you bring your tree back for recycling. Now THAT, my friends, is cool. Love IKEA, good price for a tree and they recycle them nicely. Totally cool. Totally not stressed.

I especially like this:

Which my better half actually picked out. He has such great taste don’t you think??

So I have to decorate it. He perfected the lights. I’ve never had a “fluffy” tree before. Mine have always had those long branches that you could hang stuff from. This should be fun to get “the look” but what I am thinking is glitter. Lots of it. Because I am so sure R would LOVE having to vacuum that up. Every. Day.

But it is only Christmas once a year right? So gold stars and gold glitter snowflakes—big and large. And some gold bead picks. And poinsettias. Poking out here and there. Oh and I got a couple of surprises that I love. Now, I want to get a bunch of wood and felt things—and ribbon, to finish off the look. Country Christmas meets golden age. Fun times!

I really wanted to do a popcorn garland. But then I thought of the work involved and realized that no, I really didn’t want a popcorn garland.

I saw this ADORABLE bead and wood button get up at Target. But it was like $13 for 6 feet. That is NOT happening. Then I saw a simple wood bead get up at Micheals for like $3 each. Closer, but only 9 ft each strand. I’ve no idea how many I need. I know we have 26x4 (too lazy to do the math) ft of lights on the tree. We don’t need that much garland…maybe half of that in garland. So I need 52 ft? 9 times…uhm yeah…that is closer to doable, but I’m just too cheap to do that for garland. My thoughts (since I like a different theme each year) is that everything I buy for the tree has to be usable elsewhere. Ie, I can put them on a scrapbook page (of course). Or I can use them on gift wrap later in the year.

We’ll see how that all shakes out at some point. All I know for sure is that I hate shopping this time of year. As in getting in my car. Fighting for parking. Getting there. Ugh. Maybe folks will be watching football today. Or something.

Anyhow, bottom line. Gotta get the tree decorated.

After the Cowboys blow it and lose to the Giants. Reverse psychology, reverse psychology, think the worse and hope for the best. Really. 7 to 7 now. Romo wonder kid just threw an interception. great.

Oh no...snow!

Yeah...and lots of ice. which means that yesterday I had no school. And today, I have "no school". And tomorrow I will likely have "no school". At this rate, I may like being a stay at home...well...not mom since I have no children. Yeah who are we kidding. I'm going stir crazy and if I spend more time in bed, I'm probably going to develop bed sores. But it IS so friggin' warm up there. But alas, no internet. well, not really. Choices...

Oh and yeah...

I got to "celebrate" my birthday a bit early. Oh yeah and I did. I got a red purse (you gotta know me) and...

wait for it...


still waiting?

Really...this is good.


Well I got a Canon Power Shoot SD700!! That bf of mine knows how to make me click! He's a cutie. He's a keeper. He's so mine! Now we have two cameras--the big one and the baby and I quite like the baby--although the big one took some pretty cool pictures this weekend.

Kay...now I can move on.

Expect something different?

Of course not. I don't know why I take things so personally. but let me tell you this. I HATE (I know...hate is a strong word, but still) I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the blondes.

Almost as much as I am starting to hate the Amazing Race. I mean seriously? How obvious is it now that if you create any kind of drama--be it good or bad--that you will miraculously come in last on one of the "non-eliminiation" legs? Right...but we live in the dumbing down of America age. And I'm lucky enough to live in the land of folks who fall for this stuff. Season after season. Election after election.

Yeah, let me tell you how I really feel about it.

Anyhow...got lots of great information on a dream I've been wanting to pursue for some time now. I need to start setting some static goals for it to become reality, but I'm getting pretty encouraged.

And guess what? Life is great! It is SNOWING outside. I called my mama to let her know the great news and she was happy that she got out of town just in time. My nephew was a bit dissapointed to miss the snow.

Speaking of them--it was such a fun Thanksgiving! Family was in town, and I cooked. Now, I almost never cook. Well, when I do, I usually go all out so that's more why I don't cook--because I don't want to go through all the work. But it was fun. Created some new dishes, took my time and finished on time. It was fun. And here on Sunday night, I split the wishbone with Robert. It was almost exact even. But he got the knob so he won. He won't tell me what he wished for though. Crazy boy. Crazier that he had to go in to work today. Yeah...really.

So maybe tomorrow I have to go to work, maybe not. Venting about the Amazing Race is over. So mad that Nate got voted off of Survivor but I have no illusions of ever going on that show so it doesn't hit home so much.

Evil blondes. Some folks know what I really think of them. Back to digi photography. One week at work just reading files. I actually kinda look forward to going in.

Totally good weekend

so I slept most of it away. I don't feel sick and tired (obviously) but my word! In any event, some of the fun highlights:

Met with some really amazing women about a cause I am passionate about. Passionate in an interesting way though. In a way that most folks wouldn't believe or even begin to understand why. All I can say to that is "I get it" and if you take the time to listen...so would you.

Had sloppy joes last night. Totally simple, totally good. Totally LOVE it. Had asparagus and broccoli on the side. Now...growing up I hated vegetables...especially green ones. LOVE them now.

Got all three folks checked off my Christmas shopping list. The cute one gets lots of legos to spread among the chaos of his room back home. The so similar but so different one gets a GC to a place she'll love. Probably will also pick up a stack of mini somethings (they gotta be able to get it back in carry ons) too. And the one I love totally...she gets a purse...that I'm not sure is really her. But I can tell you that I found quite a few that were me and relatively inexpensive. But until I get back onto the girly kick and a bit more caught up in life (as in caught up enough to be able to "wear" purses as opposed to carrying one...difference being the coordination required to switch stuff out in a worn purse as opposed to the convenience of carrying one that always has the right stuff in it. Almost always.

Spent time with the bf. Fun time. And the weekend isn't even done yet.

Cowboys won! Cowboys WON! How's that first defeat of the season feel Colts? Only downer in this day of upsets was that the Seahawks lost. Ugggh.

Got a layout done. Really...this is major. I've been hacking away at photo books so intensely these past couple of weeks that I really enjoyed being able to get back to my layouts. Creativitiy. wanna see it? Over to B3 Designs you go.

Work even feels good. Although I know that I need to pass a particular prospect along. I'm almost certain the JD was only the in to being able to chat with me a quick moment. That sounds vain and full of myself, but I will assure you this: If *I* noticed the above, then it must have been blatantly obvious to all others since I NEVER notice that stuff. In any event, we had one very unique commonality that would be another of those "wow--I didn't know that about you B!" type moments. He was pleasantly surprised and so now wants to grab tea or something some time. Yeah...the "or something" cemented my thoughts on this that maybe I was over-reacting. I'm not.

Three more days and I wake up to a cutie nephew in my presence! So loving it.

So I suppose that is about it. Got to scrap, got to cross folks off the list, got to spend time with the BF, work is even good. And it just gets better. I like this aging thing! Almost 30...well and year and some days soon enough.

Friday Happiness

Only 17 more minutes of work. then some grocery shopping and some cozy couch time. Friday night movie? Probably not...a bit too sick for that still. But definitely high time to get it in order for next week.

Guess I should put some blog overhauls up but guess what? We're coming up on the 1 year birthday of this baby. I should do something for that eh? Yeah I should.

Okay...dry hack must go and meet wet hack (we're both kinda under the weather) so I'm off! Fun times with my clinic board tomorrow and I think I have an artist salon this Sunday. Should figure (or re-figure) that out.

Kay!

and then there was one...

...one more night in a hotel room.
...one more fair to do.
...one last trip.

I am burnt out. As in I can hardly breath from the hacking fits and it even hurts to take deep breaths because my ribs seem very sore and bruised. This is to the point that I even want to go into my doctor. yeah...that bad.

But on good and happy notes!

Last night in a hotel room for this season. Last fair tomorrow morning. Get on a plane going home to the flooding (hopefully, there is still a home to go to) tomorrow evening and get to snuggle up to the man finally for good. All this and (forgive me the unforgiveable since I come from a heavy military background and...well...) I had forgotten that we get Friday off. I don't know...I've worked in higher educ so long with the weird extra holidays and the working "not PC" holidays that I can't keep em straight anymore. But I am so very happy I don't go in to work until Monday. My head hurts (probably from the paint fumes next door), my ribs hurt, my heart hurts (which is kinda odd...) but my spirits are well and better!

Not even 7 and I want to go and climb into bed with my Sweet Dreams pillow and crash out. Still not QUITE sure how my $19 VERY yummy shrimp diablo (although, admittedly, nothing has come CLOSE to the shrimp pasta at the SeaTac Marriott) came out to $30 but then who am I...not the math genius that's for sure.

Lots of notes on making these trips a lot cheaper next year. Here's to NOT having to drive 45 minutes to go 7 miles tomorrow morning and a howdy to the folks in Bel Air. Wow. All I can say is wow.

what a week...

...and it's still only Sunday. And I sit at the gate with a 2 hour layover. sigh. But in PDX. SCORE! Why? Well, because they have free internet access! I think I could live here.

Guess what? I got on an Alaska Airlines flight and I wasn't delayed! How you like them apples? The man swears by them. The man was also watching a banned show today but we won't go there.

So...in the past week or so, I've been to my high school reunion, my high school football team is undefeated (I'm from Texas...West Texas...so there's some context for you), I went to the CKC-Seattle and I hosted the 2 peas pub dinner. More on the last on the other blog. But as I sit here with plenty of time, I figure I should get some good stuff said here.

The good:

• Just a couple more weeks until I get to see my totally adorable nephew again. For the third time this year. Hadn't seen him in almost 5 years before this. Lovin' it.
• Last work travel trip of the year! Then I get to spend more time at home. More time with the man. More time making dreams come true.
• Lots of calls for publication. This year has been so wow in my alternate life.
• Guarantees that actually pay. That's why I love that hotel--but only the updates ones...
• Students that actually work. I have such an amazing group of student workers this year.
• The Target Toy insert. And seeing grown people get excited by it (smile).
• A real Christmas tree this year!
• Thanksgiving at home.
• A thick, thick, THICK envelope of design inspiration to sift through.
• Beyonce's Dangerously in Love. But I also love Irreplaceable and Ring the Alarm too. Which reminds me that I love folks that can consistently be good. Like (shhhhhhh....) Justin T. I mean, he always has me moving...even when he was a teeny bopper.
• Long life batteries.
• Christmas in downtown Seattle. At night. Better yet, on my campus. Wow...beautiful.
• Tall boys. Well, one in particular. Very much so now. How he puts up w/me...I don't know

The Bad:

• CKC-Seattle Vendor Faire. Oh come on...me, madame "I can shop" bought $27 worth of stuff. And that was $15 worth of buttons only because one booth required a $10 min purchase for debit cards. Bought lots of glue though...can never have enough glue.
• Rainy season is back. Better shut my mouth about that whole "it NEVER rains like this in Seattle". Guess I know who's really in charge there.
• CRASH! Totally just crashed out last night. Knew it was last night I'd have with the man for a little bit (short trip, but still) and just could NOT get out of bed to go and see him. The silver lining to that cloud? He came to me...that's why I like tall boys. Well...that one in particular.
• Way behind...in photos. Have lots of scene shots I can put on my wall. Have lots of Robert shots to replace in the rest of my frames.
• Two stacks. Probably three by now. Of lovely files to read when I get back this Friday.
• Did I mention it is raining cats and dogs here?
• Cash in pocket. Right next to the shopping complex at PDX. Burning a hole...

The Ugly:

• The "relationship" between my sister and mother right now. They are just way too similar. And yet miles apart. I wish there was more I could do there. That didn't involve paying either one of them out. That is a habit I CANNOT afford anymore--emotionally in particular.
• My apartment. Wow. Orchids are begging for care. Carpet would LOVE to feel the tines of a broom or the bristles of the vacuum. Clothes would love to be put back in their place in the closet. Bed would love to be made. Let's not even talk about the scrap room. Or the bathroom... Certainly not "bad" by most folks' standards...but this is the girl who will clean the heck out of something if given the opportunity. Even if that something is not her's.
• Super organized pea dinner--I mean, I panicked because I couldn't find an open kinkos to make copies or a place to buy name tags. Improvised and it went off without a hitch. This is only ugly because I was having a customary melt down 12 minutes before folks showed up to my "wow, this is so organized" dinner. Two facedness is handy in those situations, but hard to keep up appearances with.
• I was 2 seconds away from booking a convertible for my Cali trip because "I deserved it". The worst part of that entitlement attitude? I was all about to submit it for NEXT week when I won't even be in town. Did I mention I need sleep and I'm crashing out?
• My sharpie is at home. All 27 of them. What in the hell am I supposed to write out my postcards with now?!

Getting back in the swing of things and hope to be a bit more handy, organized, responsible, uptodateand what not with the blog. Really. Well...best intentions at least...

Who in the...

Who are you?? Oh, you're that girl that used to blog. Pretty regularly. Even daily if not multiple times a day. Then you go and get that highfalutin job. And you forget about us little folks. You know...mom. stalker. Friend? Yeah...you are not to be trusted with information that should be shared.

taken to task, I have ashamedly come back with my tail tucked between my legs. Did I mention that I wish I had a tail? Oh...I think I only told him that. Yeah that him. The one that wonders if we're still an item. Especially since rumors are flying that I'm an item with someone so not my type. Funny guy, nice guy (so sharing) but not my type guy. That is what happens when you not only travel to Vegas, BUT you also travel extensively in a profession with a mantra that "What happens on the road stays on the road" Don't worry hon, I nipped that in the bud. I don't share a bus seat anymore. And it's only the loud one talking mess and she also said I was "into her" so her credibility is a bit shakey. That and a lot of folks find her rather annoying. I find her rather amusing. I digress though.

where are you? Well...that would be my lovely homestate. Texas. And last week, I was in Chicago. Ish. And the week before that...I think I did most of the mentioning for the NM trip. So in my usual lazy blogging ways, I have to do a list because one day (one day...soon...really) I will be really bored with my boring life and I won't have anything else to write about and so I'll have to come in and fill in these lists. Yeah. I will.

So a road list of the past 2 and some odd weeks and what I loved:

* Checking off 3 more states from my list
* Continuing to add to his post card collection
* Indiana state routes--in full fall color
* seeing the teeny tiny Alamo. For the first time. Really
* "Please remove your hat" tatted all across the doors to the A&M Union.
* "Endorsed by such and such and the NRA"
* the SA river walk
* Getting three calls for publication
* Finalizing dinner plans
* the tummy butterflies for real life Friday Night Lights--go PHS!! 10 years baby!!

You are now welcome to go back to your regularly scheduled program. I'll be back Monday.

Another top 10?

As we get ready to finish out this trip back home, I have to blog. But I have to also get to work. So a list. Yes another one and all of these need details so I'll get to that. With pictures. Truly. I have to get a work flow down for this, but if I don't write these reminders to self, self won't remember.

Okay:

In no particular order of course *yeah right*

I love coming back because of:

*hugs from my adorable nephew who I miss terribly. Terribly
*broken butterfly wings & sadness of little ones not comfortable in their skin
*Heelies
*91 degrees...at 7:30 am
*seeing old friends at work; taking the time to go and see old co-workers after work
*old co-workers remembering the tiniest details--even 4 years later
*beautiful NM
*taking mom to dinner and getting her to understand she's worth it & King crab legs. In the desert, I know...
*being told that she's so good to people and people are good to her...sometimes. And knowing it.
*feeling at home--like being wrapped in a hug and given space to breath...all at once
*chicos...need I say more?

Who in d hell...

Does she think she is? She don't blog for half a month and think we're going to be right here waiting on her? Well...you're here arentcha? Yeah and what.

So...I have soooooo much to write about. And I know you won't stick around for a pictureless post of my ramblings. So I need to make it interactive. How about I just post a lot of posts today with pictures and stories. I need to organize this. And I need to get home--but not as urgently as I thought this morning.

Okay...a list of 10 (NOT a cop out) and then I will pick 3 to detail.

[not numbered because they are equally important]

* She worked a whole WEEK!
* M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I
* the shake down
* the shuttle
* what debt collectors will do for $50
* Spaghetti Factory
* Chi-Town
* Thankfully Thanksgiving
* What happens ____ stays _____
* Who dat be??

Okay... brief synopsis because I'm about to pea my pants with some of these memories:

* I can't REMEMBER the last time I worked a Wednesday. Oh...aside from this past Wednesday that is. But wait for it. I even get to come BACK to work on Saturday. Lovely.

* MS - uhhmm...sure Morgan Freeman was "just here". Taco Bell hits (where, by the way, it takes 11 people to take your order--especially if the manager is one of them and two more of them are on break). Cottonlandia. Plantations. 49 mph on the Trace. Jackson is the hood? Sweet Tea. O'Charleys. Shrimp and Grits. That, my dear, is definitely worth it's own post.

* to be fair, this is part of MS, but the shake down involves driving while black, abuses of power and pens. Not pins (like you could stick someone with) but pens like you would use to write with. Like some of us would use to write with...

* okay...this is also MS but where you think I been all this time with no internet?? Okay...I had internet, but I digress. that shuttle, in bold letters on the email that would be clearly marked? That also deserves a post of it's own. A post in pictures. I'll have to put that on my picture blog. A picture is worth more than a thousand words. Trust me.

* so there is a woman I know. Let's call her "mom" for sake of a better name or better indicator of how much this woman means to me. (though, for the record, it is not to imply that she is MY mom). Anyhow. So, I get calls daily. Long distance calls. Begging me to tell "mom" to call "such and such Loan Sharks". Because of the urgency of their calls, I once asked (thinking they wouldn't tell me) how much "mom" actually owed. $50. So I called "mom" to tell her I'd pay the bill, but then she proceeded to tell me that these folks not only call long distance, but they call her at work and ask to speak to her or her supervisor. They then also drive in excess of 40 miles round trip at least 3 times a week to leave a "calling card" on her door. What took the cake? One day, she came home and there were like 17 of these cards stuck all over her door and mailbox. Now, I know I work for a law school and so sometimes I think I know more than I do. But all this crap is just downright illegal. But hillarious. HILLARIOUS! I mean as "mom" said "At what point do you cut your losses and just figure you're not getting that money back?!"

Really.

* Spaghetti Factory. Bonafide barf. I should have known when he said "This used to be my sister's fave place" (not that sis has bad taste, just a different sense of what is good).

* Chi-town--I swear to all that is good that this city better damn well be worth it. I FINALLY found a hotel where I could get my points and not be in the hood AND not be too far from the Magnificent Mile. I mean truly. My event is at a hotel on MLK Jr Drive. Yes...we all know what that means. But really. Was "not in the hood" but closeby and decent and points credible too much to ask? I don't think so. But then that's just me.

* Thanksgiving. So thankful for what is going down that I actually bought a friggin $30 tea lite candle set from the PartyLite scam. No...torious. BF is a keeper. Definitely my family will think so.

* What happens...on the road, stays on the road. That's recruiter talk. So I'll be in that mindset times two when I then hit VEGAS with the King of Vegas. Oh dear that silence will be golden.

* Who dat be. Really...can only be my old professor. But she didn't teach that class. And she has a new baby. And I'm certain she knows I had no idea who she was. So I should drop her a quick email to show that I do. Now if only I knew who that was.

Kay. I'll elaborate before I jump the plane. Warning--mom doesn't have free wireless access so much as I may want to post, it won't happen until Wednesday if Monday morning sneaks up on me.

Where do I live again?

Oh yeah...Seattle. I was reminded this morning, but I didn't like it so much so the blue skies returned. Love love, LOVE this place!

Too bad I've only been here since the wee hours of Thursday morning. Came to work. Went home and hung out with the bf some, then went home and opened the laptop to create...and promptly fell asleep. As in woke up on the couch with the light on, a warm lap (lovely laptop cooler doesn't work so much on the thighs) and all my clothes on. At 6:42 am.

Came to work. Got lots and lots and LOTS done. Really proud of myself. Feeling like I have a handle on everything again. Most likely because I got to chat with this AMAZING prospect today. As in make my jaw drop amazing. She rocked my world. This is why I absolutely LOVE my job. But immediately started thinking again how I need to get those dreams back on track. To help folks like her. Folks with a passion and a drive that I am absolutely POSITIVE will make a difference. It was one of those double impact moments--she called me like 20 minutes after walking out to give me her email address. I had to her to email me so that I could follow up with some info on a mutual passion of our's--we're both educational equity freaks. She had an article she was going to forward me and I had a contact I was going to forward her. But rather than wait to get home and email me, she called me on her way home just so I would have her email address.

This is what I live for. These kinds of connections. They are very rare for me. Not to say I'm anti social or don't play well with others. Very much quite the contrary. In all that playing and socialite happiness, I rarely get to make those deeper connections. So not girl crushin' on her--already have one of those on Ms. Thang who called me and is probably pissed beyond all belief that I ain't called back yet. Gotta get her her goods. But this prospect today...if I were not already taken (BF and girl crush aside), I'd have to pass her on to some other counselor because I'd be all too crushed when we had to deny her passion off of some numbers. But I told her that.

And so it goes.

I really need to get more on the pictures here eh? I heard ya. We'll work on that. I can become an enabler. I need to start purging. Getting rid of stuff. Good books, videos/dvds, cds/ definitely lots of scrap stuff. Just neat little "things".

When my mother was here this summer (she's making a repeat appearance for Thanksgiving by the way--how cool is that??!), she said my house was definitely a home--in my style. That means she knows I'm a packrat and I have a lot of stuff. As is evidenced by the fact that I live alone and I've really got stuff. Time to start getting rid of it. Lot easier to do a few items a day.

Since I won't be home much these coming weeks, I think I'll make it a goal to get rid of 10 things each day. Goodwill...give it away here...ship it off. I can do it. Which reminds me...I have raks to send off. really...I've got ya'll coming. Really!

Motown Philly Back again...

...doing a little East Coast swing!

Ahhh...I love the East Coast. Love being 3 hours "ahead" as opposed to three hours behind. Have yet to find where I feel that I am right on time. We'll work on that.

So. This trip is almost up. I still have not made it back to the Liberty Bell. But I have like 3 hours to kill tomorrow so that shouldn't be a problem. Which reminds me that I gotta call the dude downstairs (yeah...you know which word I c'ain't spell) and book my shuttle back to the airport. yeah.

So a list is in order.

What I loved about this:
hugging him goodbye at the airport
meeting Nancy and Bill-straight up Middle America folks--on the plane
being here on Monday
meeting all of these amazing lawyers who said that the money didn't matter
meeting all these lawyers who are totally at peace with not "making it"
staying a block from Independence Hall National Park
the cool getups at City Tavern
earning points AND miles
adding to my postcard collection
starting his postcard collection

What I...well...not so much about this:
being apart from him
5 hour flights where you have to pay for food. And headphones.
hotel giftshop shopping
the food. waaaaaay too good and waaaaaay too much of it
broken fitness facilities
forgetting a bathing suit
not making it to Independence Hall National Park
no pictures. Not one. And I DO have a camera with me...
paying for internet access
feeling guilty about not tipping on room service--especially when there are already delivery fees AND a 20% service charge added to the tab

Checkout tomorrow morning. Scrap tonight. See him not soon enough. I so need to be home. But I get to see Law & Order SVU, two times tonight! Gotta stay up till at least midnight so I can get back on the right coast's schedule.

I think there's a BBQ this Saturday with the newlyweds. And I think we were going to do the Puyallup too. Busy gal this weekend. Fun times! Leave for Mississippi this Sunday and there all of next week. The recruiting starts for real then.

Time for a picture on yet the OTHER blog!

Finally

That alarm was going to drive me BUTTY! That's a combo between...okay...no clevernish, it was a typo. But really, it could be a combo between nutty and...hmmm...I'll think on it.

In the land of freedom. Philly. Very, VERY interesting to be on the east coast today. So close to there. I remember much of where and what I was doing 5 years ago with who.

I was married.
I was in New Mexico
I was walking to work
I was on time
It was eerily silent
I heard on the radio that there seemed to be a smokey something going on at the helicopter pad at the Pentagon.
I walked into work and all the registration tvs were on to NBC--I didn't even know we could get tv on those sets.
I sat down in the glass bowl (my office with all the windows)
People kept walking by and looking at me. And whispering. And looking at me with that "how sad" look in their eyes.
I got out of the bowl and went to watch tv--"they don't know if it was an accident or not, but they think a plane crashed into the building."
I watched as they played the second plane crashing into the second tower. "WTF?! That is no accident." I remember saying that. Then I remember my mind going completely blank as the questions came:

Where's your family? Where are your friends? Go make some calls.

Then I watched the tower fall. And I lost it. I retreated to the bowl.

Who was I going to call? Who was going to answer? Remarkably, he did answer. And so did she. But he didn't. And neither did he.

I graduated from Cornell University. In upstate NY. About 6 out of 10 people I knew there were from NYC. I was president for two years of the Omicron Upsilon chapter of AKPsi--that would be the business frat. So yeah...I knew people. I knew LOTS of people. That worked in NYC. That were my friends. That worked in those towers.

I was numb. I didn't even know where to BEGIN to look for people. Ironically, I had JUST been in the process of getting back in touch with some of my brothers--the other kids who woke up one morning my junior year and decided to found a business frat. And trust a communication major of all folks to lead the way. I wasn't president when we started--I was the secretary who got to know EVERYONE because of all the paperwork. But then me, Ms. "I hate networking" and really, kinda shy cat, was elected President. Twice. And as such, so many people knew where I was, but I didn't know where they were.

I've been back to NY once after 9/11. It was just too painful. Too painful to think of the folks I've never been able to get back in touch with. I've never looked up a full list of who died that day because I don't want to see any of my missing brothers on those lists. I can still hope this way.

5 years. Seems like yesterday. Seems like yesterday 100 years ago. It just seems. That's all.

Great goodness...

okay. So I was panicked enough to stay up and watch the news to make sure that Grayson's shelter was not the kitty shelter gone mad. That was so sad. So very sad.

And then, BF confesses that he's been doing some research. See, he's a big guy--very tall. And you know how pets are so like their owners? Well, he's a dog guy. And he has a habit of calling tiny dogs rats--perhaps because he believes that their little tails could get caught in rat traps. If you set them up just so I suppose.

In any event, he wants a GD. Now...those dogs are HUGE. I tried to tell him that he would be the only one big enough to walk that dog. I suggested a dalmation. Which he said has a horrible attitude. Interesting...cause I have a horrible attitude from time to time too. I could picture it...him and his Dane, me and my dal. Fun times.

So, his research, he shows me all about their temperment, etc. Then starts talking craziness. See, he has all sorts of valid reasons for not getting a dog right now. Nothing valid to stop him from WANTING one. So he's all "well, can't you see it dear? All three of us chillin' on the make out couch?" yeah...I could. Too cute.

Anyhow...I'm starting to bore myself with the inability to complete a thought or type it all out.

It is Friday and time to get on out of here because at the crack of dawn tomorrow, I get to get on an airplane and take the show on the road. Philly or bust. See ya on the rebound if not on the road!

I really shouldn't...

...be posting because I hate these kinds of posts. The kind where you really don't have much to say (or, in my case, you really have a lot to say but not enough time to say it) and you post anyhow?

Okay...list time since that seems to be all I have much time to do nowadays. Non-cryptic cause I was going over one of my other lists and I couldn't figure out what in the heck I was talking about.

On a side note...did you know (well, on ANOTHER side note...did you know that my adorable nephew says "what the heeeeeeck" with the e all drawn out cause...well...he's a cutie.) that I grew up around folks who believed that if you thought it--just thought it, you had done it. Ie, if you think of cheating on your wife, it is just as bad as having cheated on her. Or, if you think deep enough to censor yourself and say heck instead of...well...that other word, then you are just as bad a spawn of Satan?

But i digress.

I chose blog winners--check over at two peas to know if you're one of them. If I don't hear from you before Friday night, I'll track ya down when I get back into town on Thursday after some work travel.

Speaking of which--Philly ya'll. I might actually get to see my best friend from high school on that trip. And my best friend from college. I just need to take my best grown up friends and it would be a big partay up in there. But alas the BF has to work and Ms. Thang...yeah. I got talked to about her in my performance review. Well, not her directly, but about my talking to her on the phone. In a cubicle. Where folks can peep our business. Right.

So this is turning into much more than a list. Time to control the out of control typing. I talk to much. Tell me something that ISN'T new...

10. Need (REALLY NEED!!) to find a place to stay in Chicago that won't cost me $400 a night whence all the cab rides to work are said and done.

9. Red Curry. Tofu. Green beans. Chicken. Mushrooms. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, soooooooo good I might have to make it again. And he liked it. That's not saying much cause I don't think he'd ever tell me, "Girl, your cooking sucks" but he ate seconds...and I liked it...and wow...I learned that I actually LIKE breaking out the cookbooks, gathering the ingredients and cooking. I figured this out just as I get ready to hit the road of course (smile). Of course.

8. Need to pack up that album and ship it off.

7. Need to pack those boxes at work and ship them off--packing tape would be a good thing.

6. Did I mention...I get to see two of my bestest friends next week?

5. Shopping for Patagonia gear on Ebay...rocks.

4. Why I'm shopping for Patagonia gear on Ebay (ahem * EBC* ) rocks even more

3. Microsoft Works Tasks...who knew life could be so friggin' organized??

2. Me. Our Town. Stage manager. Don't get it twisted, she was the gal laughing her arse off in the chairs at the funeral. Damn her.

1. 50? Days until then. Yippee!

On the Road Again...

...I just CAN wait to get on the road again.

But...at least I get to meet all sorts of new people.

So if you are in any of the following areas--you should definitely be in touch as I have plenty of time to take folks out to lunch (hint/hint)! Especially if you might know a great scrap store...I mean...a good place to take pictures in town (smile).

That said, in order (I think) of appearance:

September: Philly and then Mississippi
October: West Texas and NM, Las Vegas, Chicago, Midwest (lots of random states), rest of TX
November: So Cali

Yippee~! I only work half days mostly while on the road and then have LOTS of time to play. Some trips I have photo assignments, some trips I have places to go for things I care about (ie, Mississippi I'm going to be doing some stuff for The Box Project--look it up folks...we need your help). But most trips, it's about me taking a moment to just chill...

So...today I found Microsoft Tasks. I'm. In. Love. Totally. Well...I am. Not with tasks per se, but they are cool. I already got to click stuff off the todo list! Yippee!

About ready to buy the Thanksgiving tickets--mom and sister and nephew coming back already. well, sister for the first time but the others back. I so am going to love this.

Time to go and eat. And ship. And create. And clean. And just veg out some already. I was way stressing life this morning. I had to take a step back from myself and say "honestly" already.

Really.

Kay!

Wedding Love

Why do I love weddings? Well...let me count the ways in which I loved the wedding this past weekend:

10. drama. plenty of it. From groomsmen not knowing how much they were going to be jacked for a tux rental (small towns = big charges...$150 big charges) to "we're sorry Mr. and Mrs. M but we really DON'T have a room for you and I gives a damn if you're newlyweds. Biker Jon to the rescue...talk about good karma...

9. boyscouts come in handy--especially old past (or is it like once one, always one...??) Eagle Scouts who know how to tie knots. That hold down the tents. At an outdoor wedding.

8. moats are cool--especially at country clubs where they are not really moats, but let us pretend anyhow...

7. families are always cutest when they put aside differences to celebrate in the moment

6. I'm a girl with a bf who lets me carry around his big glass. lol...and I'm sturdy enough not to blow over holding it. (that's for you photogs with model wannabe assistants out there)

5. my man looks super fly in a tux...with his sunglasses on...watching me from afar making sure I'm not bored out of my mind

4. dancing with that guy mentioned above (who lets me carry the big glass and looks superfly in a tux), is really really fun no matter how much I have had to drink.

3. black ribbon, white polka dots. nuff said.

2. Red Bull and what?? No I don't have any cigarettes...cigars either.

1. but most of all, I loved the wedding this past weekend cause I totally love that guy. No...not the groom (not THAT kind of drama) but they do have the same name come to think of it...

Work is about done. Scrap is under control. Gotta get in early tomorrow. Which means I probably get out decently early...not bad.

Off I go!

BRACE yourself...

this one is long. And painful. And heartfelt. And hopeful. So there you have it. Your warning.

Everyday. Absolutely everyday.

I cannot imagine...check that. It hurts my heart to even think about imagining my life without him. Well yeah...him too (cause adorable 9 year old boys are important to have around). But this post is about that other him. yeah. him him. Cryptic enough?

Anyhow. Know the rules of raquetball. My hope (my dear) is that it will be the swim curve. You know...there will come a time when I look back and say "wow, I can't believe I used to have no hand eye coordination whatsoever". yeah.

Then had some okay Ethiopian food. Then started talking. And talking. And talking. Then had to stop and think.

The obvious is out there. I'm a serial leaver. Face it and be honest about it. When the going gets really rough, I don't stick it out. When my husband won't get up off his ass and go and get a job. I stick it out. That's the worse.

When my husband takes me up on MY offer to either work full time OR go to school full time and he takes the path I'd wish he hadn't, I suck it up.

When my husband pulled knives on me, I knew in my heart he would never use it and I stuck around. Thankfully (for whatever saving grace this is) he never did actually use it on me and the threat was almost always that he was going to slit his own wrists. Still traumatic.

When my husband thought it might be a better idea to drink and get chiefed so that he might create better art, I learned to be objective but firm in my beliefs.

I stay. Damn it I stay. but when it gets rough, no matter the reasons the timing or any of the other "yeah buts" the truth of the matter is that I leave.

I don't have the guts to stick it out. I don't have the guts to end it. I don't have the guts. I am indeed co-dependent. That's probably about as succinctly put as I've heard it. Others said I was high maintenance. Not financially because quite frankly, I'm motivated enough to go out and get whatever it is I want. But emotionally. I take a toll on them. when will I take my toll on him?

We're both just scared shitless. At least he can say it. In the moment, when I'm not thinking about the appropriate response or what should be happening...when I am just being, I'm scared shitless to say it. Because I do so much. In ways I never knew I knew how to, I love that guy so much.

But what does that mean? What does it mean to love someone when "forever" honestly DOES scare the shit out of you because you promised that before and thought that nothing in this world could break you. Until your man came home one night (not from work remember...) and asked you for money...for something out of this world. In the midst of the drama of the two of you trying...

My bf doesn't get why I watch with rapt attention movies like Closer and Derailed and Matchpoint. I watch because it was my life and I don't want it to be. I watch to study up and learn. I'm studious like that. He doesn't want to know details because the bigger patterns matter to him. Go west young lady, go west. I only survive off of the details--off of understanding why she always goes west. Off of knowing that if we built a path north instead, might she indeed go north?

I'm a serial leaver. I walk away. Defense mechanism? Maybe. If only I had the first shot. I'm observant. Astutely so. Naiive to bat. Sacrificial. I will always step back with the confidence that the ledge will be there tomorrow for that leap of faith. It always has been. Always will be. Until I wake up and there is no tomorrow. Then it won't matter. No...that is not suicide talk--I absolutely love my life and everything and most importantly everyone in it too much now to give up on that. That "no tomorrow" talk is just that we all end. And I am scared shitless that I am going to end never having got there.

He is convinced he can get there. I am not. Convinced that I can get there that is. Because when I take an honest step back...and I strip away the yeah buts and the reasons and the justifications, there I am. Not afraid of and convinced that said unknowns will do me in, but indeed aware that I'm no longer super human. I know that people change. The guy who loved you to death yesterday is trying to take your life tomorrow. The guy who swore it would be you and only you then went to work one day and met her on the way home. Life. It happens. I can deal with all that I know, but I never knew before that it was possible to love someone so much (some of you will disagree with this--you are entitled) and still do to her what he did to me. That love hurts. And I have no stamina for that. And I have no desire to ever make a promise i fear I cannot keep.

I believe in unconditional love.
I believe in forever.
I believe in sticking it out.

I know I am strong.
I know I'll let you know something.
I know I'll put up with dignity.

I hope I never have to witness another breaking point.
I understand there will be many more matchpoints.
I will that I'll have the power to not mess up this absolutely amazing calm and peace and utter reason to be just because I'm

too blind
too hopeful
too naive
too tired
too rushed
too slow

but absolutely most of all,

because I'm too scared.

Did I mention

That I have an absolutely fantastic BF. One of those who can make you cry just thinking about how absolutely fantastic he is? Yeah...that is me.

15 laps. WHOA now, whoa now!

I remember a day when I couldn't even do 5...couldn't do it. Even did it in the "big girl" pool. WHOA!

Got some lessons that actually made it easier (helps when you date an ex Cali lifeguardish type). I'm amazed. Amazed that even after 15, I'm like...I could keep going. Stop trying to finish first and realized that finishing last is okay...it's about the stamina. which is what I started this for--to get the breathing under control. Nice thighs though (smile).

I learn a new game tomorrow...which reminds me that I have to book that court for tomorrow evening.

No clue what I'm doing for Thanksgiving. But I know who I'm doing it with and that makes me utterly happy. Giddy really. I'm a lucky gal!

Okay...just found a cool site to organize the class reunion with. Should take the time this week sometime to get the two other blogs up--lots of planning. Maybe I should become a professional planner.

Lots of good stuff on the horizon. Although it is a bleak and dreary gray day, it is actually one that I am looking forward to getting stuff done both here and at home.

Later folks!

Not Even...

sore. Wow. How's that for a 3 hour uphill all ways horseback ride? Great!

Got even lots of pictures. On the horse. Lost the eyepiece. Lost the UV filter lens protector. Found both. But BF may never let me use the camera again. Travesty.

I'm utterly bored nowadays. I mean, there is plenty going on that I should be doing, but really. A bit bored. Nothing exciting happening to say "wow, that was worth it". I know I know...move it to the other blog already.

So...I need a list.

Hair did (but so not did anymore...gotta get that tight before I leave)
nails done (and undone...gotta get that right too)
that necklace (done--even better than imagined--then returned...shop at home I tell ya!)
maybe those earrings (didn't need because of better than imagined above-shop at home? yep!)
definitely those ugly shoes (blek) (checked the closet and what did I find...add clip on earrings...gorgeous...)

that list of folks (working on it...what??)
that newsletter (working on that too...still)
those dreams delayed (blek...working...what again?)
those registrations (huh? I'm going to assume yeah)
those tickets (yeah...gotta work that too...thinking on it)
that reimbursement (oh yeah...brought those folders from home...really need to work that)
that check to write (damn checkbook...oh yeah...let's put it on billpay--done! yeah got one!)

that spiral craziness (uhhmmm...)
some randomness (hmmm....bit too cryptic)
think about fun (what a notion)
just because (yeah...if I had the time)

clean
clean that definitely
wash that too
no, there is no excuse

Compartmentalize it all. That is how I function. Life, work, scrap, organize. And then there is that boy. And that girl. That girl--drives me nuts. but that other girl, I have to be back in touch with. That girl that drives me nuts--uh huh. And yeah. User. Used to getting but not. And then some. Right.

Almost time to go back to El pAso. For Thanksgiving? Don't know if I am that brave yet...

B

Giddy up

On Sunday partna. We're riding the wild open range. me with my hurt arse muscle and he with his toes probably scrapin the ground. Horsies be aware. Cool!

But yeah. So it goes. Uhg...gotta go and schmooze now. Really would rather not. So I'll do it late.

Just found out I can be reimbursed for my travel before it happens (but after I pay) so that's good to know.

Gotta create another blog for something scrappy related...which reminds me of something else to post over there. I'm organizing high school reunion for the last week of October and then pub dinner for the first weekend of November. Busy gal. Yeah...I like it like that.

Humpty...

...can't get motivated to get up off the wall. Far less sore today. Got lots that I need to get done tomorrow and today. Like laundry. I've been wearing suits to work this week. You know it's time to do laundry when I break out the suits. But...the good in that is that I found that this sweater vest I love...so goes with the pale blue suit. And yeah.

Last Wednesday off tomorrow. No more looking at Tuesday as my hump day. No more looking at my boyfriend for a while coming up here either. Really trying to brace myself for that. There's really nothing to do on the road--go out and eat with people. Take pictures of sites. But it gets old. Kinda quickly. I need to start my side gig. Ethically. And done right. Sigh...if only there were 13 hours in a day (smile)...

Sore (3rd place) losers

Okay...so we're not sore losers in the traditional sense. but we are sore and we did lose...to two other teams. Out of 17.

Are you an amazing race fan? Well, so am I. So when I found out that Seattle has a Pretty Darn Good Race that takes you all sorts of places local (including, I might add, to Gasworks park where this year's Amazing Race will be kicking off from on Sunday nights this fall), I of course signed us up.

Now...

I thought we would be driving. Knew we wouldn't be flying. Figured we would be running. Yeah. First place team damn near ran the whole race. Second place too. That might be why we finished like a hour behind them and came in first amongst the "less athletic" of the entrants. yeah...That's how I'll put it.

And, we DID get the "trash talkers" award. That, and the stack of $150 dollar bills...oh...and the bronze pretty darn good race medals, all totally made my weekend worthwhile.

And I only broke down and almost cried out of frustration once. That would have been when we were losing precious time and I was so out of it I thought I had left my cell phone and...

life. live and learn.

Fun times and I cannot wait until next year. www.pdgr.org. Check it out my peeps and be sure to check out the pictures when they get posted!

So...

really have nothing to say. In a good mood, getting sick (well, a visitor might be coming on by) and looking forward to 10 laps this evening. And to creating. And relaxing. And being. Just being. Blue skies and Blue Angels. Time to find something to occupy my time for the next 2 or so hours...

Fitted?

Really...Discovery park hike in t-minus 42 minutes out (to the shit hole with a great view) and back. We did sit on the rocks for all of maybe 2 minutes. Friggin' smelled like (see above) but it was gorgeous nonetheless.

As usual, we were about 3 minutes too late for Red Mill after. but wow--I only had to stop once and we damn near ran that thing. We're going to get to the point where we do HAVE to run these things if we're going to get the same rush. Yeah. Loving my thighs...not loving my weight...

Thing is...it is getting darker earlier here. And the Blue Angels are in town (not only have I heard them, but I saw them).

And all the naval ships are floating by my windows.

And yesterday I heard just how "sneaky" law students will try to be to get ahead. No spelling it our for them...the more you talk, the more loopholes you create.

Finished something that should likely be discussed on that other blog. but tonight...

Rescue team duty
sloppiness (yummy!)
cleanliness (ugh)
and write stuff

Bout it. Which reminds me that I have to sync that little gadget I bought a while back and absolutely love. Not only is the sound pretty great with my crappy headphone set that came with it, but it DOES indeed hook up to my speaker system. If only I could remember to sync it already.

That and I finally made it passed that stinkin level. Uhh...what level? What addiction?

Time to finish building the Arc. My people's is floating away in the west texas town of el paso...

Crabby fishy

So...when you live on the water...what do you get when you combine:

cool landlords + crab season + cheesy sauce + pasta?

Well, you get delicious (and I kid you not) to die for Alfredo crab pasta. I would post the recipe, but then I'd have to have Liisa hunt you down (smile).

Speaking of her (I know...typically don't call folks out, but this deserves it):

Have you ever had a girl crush? Well...to have one, you have to be girl, you have to be straight (or crookedly heterosexual), and you have to have an overwhelming passionately obnoxious desire to just love the stuffins out of said girl.

Not in a sex way of course. But in a "wow, she rocks my world" way.

I've been having revolutionary life debates with the BF all morning long. Pointed out to him that it is those debates that makes me keep him around. But really pointed out that I absolutely will go through the flames for Liisa because she gets it too.

Case in point. Little thing. Very little thing. She is interviewing for a wonderfully fantastic job that I absolutely think she deserves. Most folks, in said situation, would do it right, but would never clue the committee into "that other wonderful person" or ask anything that might lose them the job. Not her. She was all loving on me in the interview--having them say "aha...wow..."and not once blinking an eyelash.

She didn't have to think "what if she knifes me" and comes in for this job because I'd never do that. It is something about that unconditional love and faith for another person that is so making me lightheaded. And I am so lucky to have TWO of those people in my life that I am no where near related to.

Other things making me lightheaded lately:

The African Prince (let's call him that) who saw me beat to s#8t yesterday after dragging my thick thighs through 10 laps (gurgle) and still had the nerve to call me beautiful and congratulate me (instead of hater-ating) on being in a wonderful relationship.

That boy who works down the hill from me who is obsessed with my fat.

Those gals who thought I had the inspirational skills to rock it--let me post it--and then the internet lovers who cried at what they saw. Yeah...that stuff that I'm too afraid to show to the boy down the hill who loves my fat...

That little boy who asked "why can't we just all live in the same house together"

High altitude not so pipe dreams

Living within my means, focusing on the future and dreaming the big dreams.

Life itself. Life has me lightheaded.

Mama said...

that she made it home okay. Which is good because my thumb...not so okay. And sleeping on the couch, didn't so much do much good to that hand. Why am I still sleeping on the couch? Cause it's a bit comfy for one (creature of habit...yeah it was only a week. and what).

I have been pulling lots of long nights for deadlines but all have been worth it. All caught up come this weekend. But that's all on the scrap blog so...

In real life...I get to help with planning my high school reunion for this October. It is so great to be back in touch with so many people. Awesome really. Tracking people down. Not so awesome. Especially when myspace is down and all my cheap hs people's (well...to be fair...we were broke and then some) hang out there.

So yesterday, I'm chilling on myspace (not at work of course) and this individual who I would have never thought in a million years I'd ever see again contacted me. The power of connection I tell you. I had been chatting with a mutual friend who is dating his cousin. Who knew. Emailed me all like "hey...remember me." Duh...I only had the hugest, biggest, totally uncontrollable crush on him. Then I met his green eyed best friend. I'm messing. This stuff is funny but my BF is right...after the reunion I have to get off of Myspace. Nothing good can come of that place.

Speaking of BF, we get to swim 12 laps today...I can do it. And then to his place for tacos. Love his tacos...love them. I'm so hungry...think it's time to order some lunch. Have to eat early or I'll sink. According to some Today show "expert" that is a wives tale but let me tell you of some cramps I've had in that pool. Maybe I'll get 15 laps in today...3 with flippers of course. Cheaters never win...but it will keep me going instead of just standing on the edge of the pool. Think we might have to dive in with someone else doing laps because that is what keeps me going back and forth...not wanting to be lapped. Drown halfway from lack of breath but damned if I'ma let you pass me on the wall. Well...at least not more than twice.

So...

...I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm nervous and I'm here. All of that. At once.

Just put mom and the cutest little cute thing in the world back on the bus to El Paso. As he was leaving he broke my heart. Finally gave and took a kiss. Asked me when I was moving back to El Paso for good. Asked why we all just couldn't live in one big house all together. Asked me to be sure to tell the bf that he was going to be sorely missed.

He blew me a kiss from the window and I lost it. Sat in the car and cried for a good 10 minutes. I'm about to start crying right now just thinking about him.

I will never let another three years (or even a year) go by without seeing them. There is no excuse for that. I am so happy that my mother made the sacrifice that she did to come out and see me. So happy that she is happy for me and what I have done. Love that she loved my place. Love that she felt comfortable.

Only regrets: No ferry ride and didn't get to take them to meet the Oly folks. They'll just have to come back. And I get to go and see them in 3 months. Or is it one? Actually, it is 2. I so cannot wait to see them again!

I'ma knock them eyes to the back of yo head boy!

Okay...I'm dressed appropriately today. I contemplated a tank under my summery shirt, but it's hot up in here.

But still...dressed respectfully enough to get comps from the boss (a female...it's coming).

So why the hell did this old dirty man I just met with about his pitifully STUPID scores meet with me for 8 minutes and spend 6 of those minutes blatantly staring at something that sure ain't his to stare at? I'd tell my BF but he'd hop in the car, drive to the SeaTac Holiday Inn and tell a boy something. And he's so not the violent type. Till you mess with his B. Right...I got it like that.

I so needa be out of here. It's a beautiful day out, I get to go swimming in about 3.5 hours then I kiss that boyfriend mentioned above goodbye and work like heck to get everything settled for mom. I can do it...just a few scrap deadlines to address. A little bit of work to do...

Double Stuffed Oreos

Okay...you know I don't like them. Cause, they're cookies and they are Oreos. And this guy...in the 6th grade...called me an Oreo. If he could see me now he might call me double stuffed come to think of it.

But I digress.

So...hamsters...do they take baths? My nephew, all 8 cute years of him, has a mother who tries really hard to teach him responsibility. I know I know...work with me those that know her.

Anyhow. She, some 3 or so months ago, brings home Double Stuffed Oreo--the hamster. I suppose it had like a black head and black behind and the rest of him was white. And he was chunky.

Anyhow, the nephew names him Double Stuffed. I called mom last Friday when I was trying to get her to commit to a bus schedule already and she informs me that said nephew is tossing the hamster around. No, not like bouncing him off the walls--he's not THAT cruel. But he was tossing him in the air (almost to the ceiling--supposedly) and letting him land on the couch. Hamsters are not cats. But I've never had a hamster so I don't dare make any correlations to what follows. But the boy said he was experimenting...let a budding scientist be!

On Saturday, nephew is giving DSO a bath. In the tub. Given his ADD (sit down already!!), he of course has to run out real quick to tell grandma something. He goes back in and he calls frantically back out to grandma to come here. Grabbing DSO out the tub (limp of course) they proceed to try some "chest massages" and argue over who is going to wrap their lips around those pointy sharp fangs.

DSO is no longer with us. Well...not really.

But wait for it.

So...my mother has a sister who is pure evil. I liken her to Satan. She further traumatizes my ultra adorable nephew by telling him he is a murderer and will go to hell for what he did. She probably threw in something about that being why he won't ever see his brothers again. She's like that.

But wait for it.

Nephew is depressed and cute, always wanting to do right mother of his (she, for nothing else, has an absolute heart of gold) comes up with the idea to burry the thing. No, not just in the backyard--they live in an apartment complex so that wouldn't work. Originally, the plan was to go to unincorporated Chaparrel (sp?) NM and burry the thing out there with my grandmother. Ahhh...how sentimental.

Evidently, the desert lot just outside their complex was a bit more convenient.

Wait for it I said...

So they burry DSO. Rest in peace.

Now. I knew my nephew liked scary movies. I know he watches them. But I thought Pet Cemetary was before his time. He went back out there (to pay his respects, so my sister thought he was doing) and promptly dug that thing back up. Uhmmmmm....

yeah.

That's the "it" you were waiting for.

Who dat woman is?

Well...she sorta looks like...and she kinda sounds like...and I know she can shop right? Well, not so much. But she will ooh and ahh at things like baby deer right? Well, of course. Especially if they are not road kill.

That woman, she would be my mama. No...I am NOT the spawn of Satan. Spawn of anything for that matter.

She, of all glorious momminess (I kid you not, there are at least three generations of folks about to attest to this) is coming to Seattle! From El Paso! On a bus. Yes. A bus. Don't ask.

But I will tell. Longer than you can hold it.

Why yes, there are no straight shots between the two because evidently, folks in UT (or some other state in betwix) don't really believe in interstates. I mean, why would you when you have "the 5" in that other state. Anyhow. She will be taking I-10 (yes, that is pronounced "eye", not "tha") over to LA and then "the 5" up from there. I hope she likes California. And California boys cause she's coming all the way up to meet this one really fantastic Cali boy...

He's fantastic because he slimmed my thighs. No...not like that. We now swim twice weekly and walk once a week. He's going to make me run soon here...so not cool. He wants me running 5 miles at once by next year March~ish. Now.

I used to run track.

I used to run "fast". Okay...well I used to technically run a sprint.

I don't think, all things considered, I have fun 5 miles TOTAL in all my life! He will be the death of me. But damn I'ma look good in my coffin!

Yeah....and we do.

***Reallly...I had this great post with lots of great pictures. But since I have not the patience for Blogger sucking up my whole free day that is neither vacation time nor time to work, alas, you lose. Maybe when I'm in a less hormonal state, I'll try again. For the meantime, I'm going to save this for later, post the ramblings and those who want the full version (pics and all!) can email me/leave a comment and I'll be happy to forward you the word version. Let the stalking commence but until then, here is the verbage***

My people. We Camp. Yeah…we do. I hung out in the back of the Tahoe (very comfy let me tell you), sat around a campfire, slathered Deet on my skin (I know…so much for having children) and hiked to the top of the world before almost passing out. My goodness I’ve got a ways to go if I REALLY want to do that next summer. That’s another post for another time.

So what does camping look like to me? Well, let me show ya: (yeah...that would be picture eaten)

That would be Mt. Rainier. And that would be the !*#&#(@ Snow Lake path that almost killed a sista. But who would challenge her to do such a thing you ask?

Why that would be this dude of course: (yeah...that would be picture eaten #2)


And why would that dude drag her into the wilderness knowing full well her people don’t do this kind of thing? Well, to do this of course:(number 3, ate up alive)


Which was all well and good. Because I got to see lots of baby deer (no “kidding”) and that made the trip utterly worthwhile. Well, that and this: (#4)

Note the Burt’s Bee starter kit that I scored at the Longmire Lodge. If I would have known I merely have to travel to the top of the mountain to get this stuff locally…I tell ya. Also note the mustard—all I needed was some hot sauce and we’d be set. Speaking of condiments: (#5...really good I might add)

Do you know what this is? This is called hazing. Malicious, sweet, hazing. You see….sometimes, when you go places, you forget to pack something. Or someone who was supposed to come along doesn’t and so you have to make a stop. Well, we stopped at Sports Authority for a little ax…to chop all that wood that we’d buy at the grocery store and the campsite of course. But at that moment we realized we had no ketchup for our hotdogs. So of course we went to McDonalds. Land of great ketchup. Now…I was GOING to order some fries to go with the ketchup. But evidently, fries are not a breakfast food. So to punish Corporate McDonalds for not realizing the importance of fries in the morning, we each took a handful of ketchup. For the hotdogs. That they don’t sell. Hey…details—don’t get bogged down. Unless that detail is in the word “each”. Since there WERE three of us and only two took ketchup. People. Please. Not like I wasn’t going to return it on the way back.

So back at the campfire, Eagle Scout M got a rip roaring fire going: (6)

And then he settled in with That-Roommate-Dude-Who-Won’t-Gank-Ketchup: (7)

And he had a nice glass of: (8)

Because it wouldn’t be camping without the daily source of calcium.

The next day, we attempted a guided tour with Ruth. (9)

But somewhere between the paid rangers that didn’t know who Douglas Firs were named after or exactly how many years ago the last devastating mud slide was and the “where did the trail go?” volunteer guides…BF’s ADD kicked in and we decided to do the mountain on our own.

Well, the visitor center anyhow.

Since, at this point, I’m sure you are in utter disbelief that I was actually out in the wilderness, I should note that these are all pictures *I* took and that is why you cannot see me in any of them. See that big camera BF is holding? That one holds all of the tear stained, wrinkled forehead, eyes popped out of head shots of me. But just for the disbelieving, I leave you with this: (10)

And all those little flowers that you cannot see that were an amazing site to behold. Those are avalanche lilies.

Wish you were here!