Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Closer to figuring out what I want to do in life.
Closer to him (not Him...I need to get back to that house, but to him, the one over in the bedroom napping).
Closer to Friday.
Closer to closure.
Closer to getting the mojo back to scrap a thing or two.
Closer to letting it go and having fun with the important stuff again.
Closer to making it official.
Closer to going back to El Paso.
Closer to getting a shipment that should have done been here by now.
Closer to being scared to death over this economy and the tsunami to come (yes, I'm married to a finance geek if you didn't know that by now).
Lesson for the day courtesy of my often smarter half (or continued learning):
A recession is when your neighbor loses his job (WAMU is laying off close to 2000 folks in Seattle so lots of folks will understand that).
A depression is when you lose your job (technically, it would have been had it not been for the fact that I'm married to an analytical finance geek who is a networking dynamo and got to getting when he freaked that he wouldn't be able to provide for the little woman. Moreso when he realized yeah it would be fun to have a sugar mama, but it is usually more fun when said mama has sugar to give. I do work for a non-profit after all).
Back when the feds were all everything is rosey, I was a "sky is falling" crazy chic trying to convince everyone we were in a recession. I'm not going to break out the d word yet. Not until next week at least. I'll keep you posted on the status of our employment.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
(In no particular order)
Nothing is done (or should be considered done) without measurement. Ie, don't tell me you tried, prove it to me.
Everyone should shop at least once with a personal shopper. At Nordstroms if you're West Coast. At some other crazy expensive secret hideway level of any other department store you never knew had said secret level in any other town beyond the west.
Life is not about assumptions made on a weekend drive. Case in point, we assumed that the place we want to live (off i90) would be closer to work (both of us, off of i90 now) than where we both used to live and now no longer work. Fact of the matter is that the new place is actually farther away (barely) from our current work than our current place. Go figure. It is closer to the new "gaming establishment" though...see the next point.
It is NOT a fact that Blackjack is the best odds (for the player in the house). However, since most folks understand the rules (contrary to that complicated dicey craps table), it is a sure bet that if you're smart and not emotional about it, you can find a good table and walk away up for the night.
There is a difference between crazy and broken-hearted. Most of that difference is in perception, but on rare occassions (like this weekend) we were able to scientifically categorize quite a bit of crazy and half a grip of broken-heartedness. That one is compliments of the super-analytical one during said longer than expected drive out to the new place.
It is crucial to always make time...for drinks, dinner and casual conversation with the un (or under, guess it all depends) employed. You will learn a lot about that thing called perspective mentioned above.
If you have never been in a relationship (any kind of relationship, best friend, lover, parent, child...whatever) where your uncontrollable laughter can cause the other in that relationship to uncontrollably laugh as well, then you have not lived. Bonus points if when you finally spit out the totally not funny thing you were laughing about, you just fall back into uncontrollable fits of laughter.
We're not called "colored" anymore. And I think he prefers that I not call him "whitey" either. We're all just working on it. I know.
Brickbreaker is to Blackberry what Solitaire is to your new (back in 1990) computer. I think I probably drained my life playing way too much solitaire on my computer back in college. And now, with my shiny new blackberry, who needs any of that other crap when I'm big time in Brickbreaker. All that is to say that there is PLENTY in life to suck your time away from doing important things and being in the moment. Try not to cross that fine line between increased productivity and diminishing returns.
Small tokesn of gratitude go so so SO very far. Do it more. Say thank you. say please. Let someone else go first. Do it just because. Feel better about life and yourself when you let go of the bitter places and just move on already. That one is courtesy of the 4 extra minutes gained at the Costco carwash this afternoon. Thanks Ms. Eddie B. Expedition.
Hope your weekend was just as fun!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
When I was looking it up, I came across another site (that I won't link) from a 48er who is a bit...well...yeah.
That particular other place reminds me of that ex. You know...Liisa...the ones who mourn that they don't have a plumber around anymore? No, not Joe (the Plumber), but the ones that lay pipe?
Anyhow...it is November. Which means the floods have come to Seattle. And now that I work over there, it is a whole lot more real. And sad. Even though I personally didn't see any blocked roads.
I didn't wake up sore, but I'm told he woke up to me clinging to the side of the bed for dear life. Small price to pay for answers that come in your sleep.
Anyhow...I was scrapping tonight and just wanted to remember to send an email and post that link so that I could come back to it years from now.
Planning a special surprise for this weekend (because he's a bit busy right now and doesn't check in here I can hint at half birthdays and all), trying to get addresses down right (I'm working on it) and need to send a fruit bouquet to an old lady and...oh yeah...drama! Of the baby mama sort. Sometimes, I wake up, and I think to myself "really? Is this really my life?" It really is kinda cool to be with someone who can laugh about craziness like this with me.
More to come in a scrapbook page near you sometime soon I'm sure.
July 10, 2009. I want to go see 2012. Mostly because of the Everest images I just saw (I so want to go back there and yes, yes I did finally look up the pod casts from heck...think I'll play some of those now). But also because I love end of the world kind of movies and think it is interesting that now that we are actually in 2008 (only 4 years before said 2012) it still just seems so surreal and sci-fi that we're all 20 anything.
A little closer in time, I'm going to go see Bolt this weekend (I have a crush on the hamster though I just saw a trailer with the pigeons so maybe they are my new faves). In 3D dude! After Sushi. Okay. Maybe no sushi so that we can hit the casino. Honestly, I'm not a big animated flick fan but I LOVE how into them he gets. I can't wait to have kids with him (smi.le).
Monday, November 10, 2008
Precient. My better half is such a friggin' analyst. He called just about every state for which way it would swing (and didn't get emotional and give away AZ and GA like I did), called the pop vote margin, calling (still waiting) the senate pick ups...I love watching his brain work.
Then he went to watch football this weekend. With some folks that are just...well...yeah. I ask him all the time how in the world he does it. He is such a study in contrasts--from hanging out on the couch with me watching movies to pub crawls he just is so very much his own set of split personalitites. I LOVE that about him.
Anyhow. I'm a bum. So much so that I've got money to spend on clothes (way too much of it) and I promptly (well, with some urging) called up a personal shopper and said "here are my measurements, Michele Obama me".
Seriously, where she get her hair did cause this girl here is LONG overdue for a half a straightcomb. Or something.
But really. I need to step it up a kick. I got it in my closet, but instead of buying seasonally and not taking care of stuff, I've gotta start dressing like I have a real job and am married to a dude with a real job. so. Weekend shopping trip. Paid for. But then go win some more at the Casino after looking at houses (gotta keep our eyes on the goal or I might buy a whole LOT more clothes that I'll never wear) and maybe steppin' toe into the CK Convention. Maybe.
He's home. Time to go pour him a glass of milk (smile).
Friday, November 07, 2008
I was fine when I woke up this morning.
I went to Staples and SCORED on some page protectors I sorely needed and finally got more ink. Not that stupid "combo pack" for printing 150 photos on photo paper I NEVER use. But real filled cartridges that will print for more than 3 days. Only took me like a year to figure that one out. I was still okay.
I was fine when I woke up this morning--even giggled as my better half took a nibble on my ear to catch the back of my earring down his throat (sorry love, it too shall pass...smile).
I was fine when I woke up this morning knowing I'd get to meet Alexandra (small world where she is working and who I knew was trying for it).
I was fine when I bought three mags at Barnes and Noble commemorating what broke me down.
I was fine when I bought my hair stuff so that I wouldn't look a hot mess the next time (yes, there will be a next time) someone accosts me to be the face of whatever they'd next like me to be the face of.
I was fine when I was watching Oprah and she brought out Will.I.Am.
I was even fine watching his phenomenal "I woke up this morning" performance (certainly, I'll keep it real, not because of his voice, but because of the power of the message...flashed with pictures to set a pacemaker off).
But then I made a mistake. I went and watched this again:
And I was no longer fine.
I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop bawling. I couldn't stop wishing that I could wrap my arms around her one. more. time. Today in particular. To tell her yes we did. To hear her tell me about how it was (she grew up in the south...Mississippi south at that). To watch the salty tears roll down her face as she got that I always got that she was my living history. To melt into her just wrapped up in her warmth as she told me I could do and be anything I wanted to do and be and this time feel her hold me so tight and really believe it...not because she didn't believe in me, but because she could believe in "it" again too.
This is really stupid to say and I don't mean it to sound drastic so please don't call the suicide hotlines or anything like that but I would literally do just about anything including catch a charge or two to have just that one last moment with her right now. Again. Once more.
And I know this sounds even sillier. But I'm making her a DVD. And those three mags I bought today. They don't have maintanance as part of her burial agreement and no one really goes out there often enough and I have not been out there since maybe a year after she was burried. Or so. But those mags, those are for her too.
Yes we did. You too. Yes you did. And finally, in a way it didn't hit me on Tuesday...or even Wednesday...and definitely not yesterday. It hits today. Probably because about this time, 9 years ago, she was taking her last breaths. I was on a plane headed back to Ithaca to prep for an LSAT I should have cancelled, and finals I would end up not having to take. I had kissed her hand and begged her to hold on for a few more months because I was almost there. I had almost made it. We had almost made it.
I miss her so much. I wish she was here. I wish she had seen this. To the young folks without old folks in their lives who say "this is so much bigger than Tiger and the Williams' sisters" I say, oh, man, do I ever know. I wish she was here. If even just for a moment longer.
I love you granny. Yes we did. You too. Without your sacrifices, your struggles and your history--OUR history. This moment would be no where near as significant as it is. I promise to do my part to never forget. The same way I never forgot nor will I ever forget you.
I'ma go finish bawling my eyes out now.
Peace out folks and thanks Will.I.Am for bringing it all home for me. Soon as I find the bootleg YouTube clip of you on Oprah, you know I'm totally going to post it here.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
We did it! You did it. I wish my grandmother were here to do it too. I love you mom. Love you Crystal and David too. And Quantae. And so many folks not wanting to be named. Thanks for putting up with me when I forgot birthdays, took forever to get thank you notes out and didn't return calls for months on end. Thank you for indulging my "your people and my people" hour long educational sermons. Thank you for letting me dream about doing the unthinkable and then doing it - I quit my job and took the time to immerse myself in this before moving on to the next pasture.
Wow. Did I say wow already?
The only other things I wish?
I wish that one of those southern states had gone blue. So that all those folks (you know who I'm talking about) who finally felt safe enough to care and get up and go out and vote...would have felt the full force impact that when they participate, the results are real and tangible. For the record, it still counts - you're part of that mandate.
I wish that we would remember that the demise of "publicly financed campaigns" was NOT a bad thing. That if it takes non-public financing for ordinary everyday people to give $5 or $20 at a time and to be so involved that they'll actually turn out to vote? I'm okay with that kind of Public Financing of Presidential Campaigns.
And I wish that voting was as easy as possible. Meaning, don't try to trick and intimidate and discourage people from feeling like I do tonight. Win it fair and square. And I don't mean quibble over who isn't eligible to vote because of some arcane rules you set up way back when you were still trying to keep certain folks from voting. I mean win it FAIR and SQUARE.
I love that the world was watching. And I know she was too. She stepped right back down here tonight for one brief hug--well two. I wish I would have gotten her name. But when she grabbed me and held on tight. And then I had to ask her for one more hug for granny. I about lost it. And because I'm blurring up here...I'ma leave it at that.
Thank you America. Thank you America.
Yes we did!
Saturday, November 01, 2008
So Obama has an aunt living illegally in the US of A (in a Boston housing project at that). You can peep that story here.
And right after you read that story, go...no...RUN to your local Blockbuster and rent this movie:
You can also buy your very own copy here.
I love the irony that is this country of immigrants. Save. it. You don't have to tell me about the right and wrong way to get here and the rules and the laws. I get that. But remember. My point is about the irony of the situation. That lots of folks making/professing those laws are folks who have just as little right to be here as the next.
And all that.
Really folks. Drama.
Let's not forget the rules/laws violated by loose lips but hey...
Get out and vote!